What problems are yours to solve?
Yesterday we suggested that some problems are not ours to solve. We need to detach from the problem and its possible outcomes. Other times, another choice is appropriate. These questions may help you distinguish between the two:
1. What is my part in this matter?
1. Do I even have a right to claim investment in the outcome?
2. Is this even my business?
3. Am I staying within my boundary? Is this my problem?
If I decide that this is indeed my business, I am appropriately invested in the outcome because it is my business and I am NOT overstepping any boundaries if I take on the work of trying to be a part of the solution, then I move on to a different set of questions:
1. What is my part in this matter?
1. Who are the other stakeholders in this situation? Who is the primary stakeholder?
2. What part do I play in relation to the other stakeholders?
3. Am I a bit player? A lead dog? A co-laborer?
4. Am I over-invested in the outcome in light of my role?
5. Is my ego involved?
6. How do I fit in with the whole picture?
Suppose after all this self-reflection I discover that I am not the primary stakeholder in this scenario. Maybe I am just a bit player. But perhaps my thoughts and feelings are deeply invested in the problem. When that happens, I am becoming part of the problem. If I am over-invested based on my role, I need to practice the STEP BACK.
Bit players are valuable too. But they serve very different functions than a full-on team mate or a co-laborer. When my son played lacrosse, I was a bit player. I was a cheerleader in the stands. I washed the uniform and remembered where he left his shoulder pads as he frantically backed his game bag. I did not coach, or referee, or run out on the field and punch the guy who hit my kid so hard it jarred his teeth loose. I had after-game snacks. I knew to take him to the doctor to see if he had a concussion after a couple of particularly rough games.
Tomorrow, we wrestle with our part when our investment stake is higher. Today, ask yourself: have I confused my part in someone else’s problem?
