Our need to survive can cloud our judgment

I have enduring vulnerabilities and so do you. Enduring vulnerabilities are predispositions and patterns of behaving that are not in our best interest, do not reflect our core values, hide our best selves, and harm others. These patterns are longstanding. They resist removal.


Enduring vulnerabilities deserve our compassion because they once served a purpose that may have been helpful. My feisty (defensive, fearful and dishonest) self served me at times when my father was going ballistic. I could shock him with my occasional assertiveness and occasionally he would back down. I appreciate how this helped me survive. Other times, I dodged metaphorical bullets by being sneaky, or falsely compliant. But these coping strategies are also shortcomings. Letting go of my enduring, although understandable, vulnerabilities requires that I courageously release three common needs:


1. The need to be in control
2. The need to succeed
3. The need to be right


We are all “attached” to our primal need to survive which often involves control, success, and the capacity to out-maneuver our enemy. In active addiction (there are thousands of dependencies - what are yours?), we need to control our use, our success depends on our capacity to get access to our substance(s) of choice, and our very survival means that we HAVE to be in control. We are compelled to convince anyone who pays attention that we do NOT have a problem. Whether that problem is over-spending, under-eating, using illegal substances or even religious zealousness.


These same issues apply to our enduring vulnerabilities. Think about it. Our shortcomings have been around since BEFORE we started using (whatever it is we depend on to distract us from self-awareness and our need to change). It is easy to make excuses about our character flaws and blame them on someone else. Although our shortcomings may become more obvious or more extreme in their expression under stress, the seeds of our deficiencies have been germinating since we were young.


This is true for everyone. The fortunate ones are those who have been granted the gift of desperation and the opportunity to surrender them for a better way of living.