God is too generous to "need" us to fix ourselves

In the Sixth Step, we believe that only God can remove our shortcomings and heal our enduring vulnerabilities. If we wrestle a bit with the truth of our desire to control, succeed and dominate, we may find willingness to surrender them once we see how hurtful they are to us and others.


But even our most sincere willingness will not be enough to help us complete this step if we have concerns about God’s intentions toward us. In my own recovery, this was a huge stumbling block. My exposure to God’s people filled me with some false impressions about God; my understanding of him needed to grow before I could let go of anything that seemed to help me cope with my life.


I had often wondered if God wanted his people to sacrifice and suffer without regard to their own wellbeing. It seemed a likely possibility when missionaries came to our church and told their stories of sacrifice. Although they often glowed with the zeal of true converts I often wondered: is this for real? I especially remember a favorite hymn that often accompanied these testimonials, “Every Day with Jesus is Sweeter than the Day Before”. (The lyrics, in case you are interested: Every day with Jesus Is sweeter than the day before, Every day with Jesus I love Him more and more. Jesus saves and keeps me. And He's the one I'm waiting for. Every day with Jesus. Is sweeter than the day before[3]) I could not understand God from this framework of seeing, especially in early recovery when I was being encouraged to feel my feelings, get more honest - all without my favorite numbing agent.


Other times I wondered if God was more like Santa, running his heavenly operation via a series of quid pro quos. I follow the rules; he gives me goodies. I disobey the rules; he sends a small plague to whip me in shape.


Who can trust a god like this with our defects of character?


Fortunately, I learned that I did not have to trust a God that demanded sacrifice, perkiness and shady backroom deals.