Cost/Benefit Analysis

Any habit that we have developed has perceived benefits - even the ones that turn on us. No one ever gets addicted to carrots. Example: If I discover during the course of my recovery work that one of my shortcomings is dishonesty, I need to ask how has this served me?

When I was a kid, telling my folks what they wanted to hear acted as a form of protection from conversations I did NOT want to have - we were not that great at dealing with conflict or conversations in general. One of the ways dishonesty showed up for me was defensive behaviors. People don’t mess as much with the feisty kid who refuses to listen to name calling. If my dad was going to call me stupid, then he was going to have to put up with me defending my intelligence for at least 20 minutes. Honesty in the situation would have required me to talk with someone about how afraid I was that my dad might be right. Maybe I was stupid.

What habits do you have that are no longer serving you well but you are still using? It’s helpful to acknowledge how they once served a purpose. It makes it a tiny bit easier to let them go!