How to surrender without giving up
We’re in a series on the principles contained within the 12 steps of AA. The third principle is surrender. This one is a bit abstract for me, I’ll confess, and sometimes I have to find a “back door” way of thinking about it in order to figure out how I would practice it. Other words that come up when we talk about surrender are things like powerlessness, letting go, even something like giving up.
When I think about these ideas, and I try to find a way to be really concrete, what comes up for me is something like this: There’s a sense in which surrender means refusing to continue fighting for something that isn’t serving us particularly well. It’s an active choice to engage the change process as opposed to an active choice to remain the same. Engaging the change process means doing things that feel hard and counterintuitive. Things that require planning, discipline, accountability, and support. There’s a lot of work that goes into it. And, because there’s a lot of work that goes into it, it feels like something we might call surrender.
This is all territory that’s pretty well-trodden, though. Let’s see if we can’t find a slightly different angle just for the sake of balance and experimentation and flexibility. Those are good things…right? Let’s start with a passage.
So, brothers and sisters, because of God’s mercies, I encourage you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice that is holy and pleasing to God. This is your appropriate priestly service.
Romans 12:1, CEB
This is a passage that can cause a lot of shame, particularly for those of us who are pretty sure we have not pleased God. However, I want to reframe that, but it’s going to take me a moment to get there. So hang with me.
One way of looking at surrender is to consider what it means to try to live a life that pleases God. The word “try” is important- perfection is never expected and, in point of fact, the whole point of Christ dying on the cross is to cover our imperfections on our behalf. Keep that in the back of your minds.
Now, we are in tricky territory when we talk about pleasing something other than ourselves. People get a bit prickly when you talk about living to please. Trying to make another human being happy is a fool’s errand and I think we’d all agree without talking much more about it. And I’m guessing some of us carry this mentality into our relationship with God. Is trying to please him unhealthy in some way? Does it mean somehow giving up important parts of ourselves?
We should know a few things. Pleasing God is not complicated. It may or may not be easy, I’m not sure, but it isn’t complicated. God’s expectations lie in trying to take care well for ourselves and others. A life that pleases God is one in which we take care of ourselves and others.
Let’s just take a step back and simplify this whole thing. Can I make a really bold proposal? I’m going to take that as a yes. One way of thinking about this is: when we are at our best, God is pleased with us. This is because when we are at our best, the best stuff happens! If you don’t believe me, consider the opposite: when you’re not at your best…what happens? You’re stressed out, you don’t think clearly, you’re more edgy, you act out, you isolate, etc. etc. When we’re at our worst…the worst stuff happens…right?
I believe the reverse is also true. When we’re at our best, we make better choices. We are more attentive to others. We have more capacity to do hard things. And in all of this, God delights.
For this reason, I suggest you think less about surrender, and even less about pleasing God, and more about what it takes for you to be at your best. Being at your best may require some really difficult work. It might involve sacrifice. It might involve asking for help. It might be painful. But, it can also be worth it in order to arrive at the best you so that the life you live pleases God so naturally you don’t even have to think about it.
