Identifying the Problem

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

Brene Brown

As a result of the conversation Kevin initiated Michelle had enough information to formulate a plan for what she needed. She could see a pathway through to problem solving and it occurred to her that there might be more options than rehab or a scary intervention. In a nutshell, here was her summary:

“I realized that I could now identify my problem without making it Kevin’s. I HAD A PROBLEM with Kevin’s behaviors when he had too much to drink. From a handful of examples, I chose a couple to illustrate my point - leaving out the golf trip because it seemed so extreme and easily dismissed as a fluke. I was able to go back to Kevin and share my perspective and my needs. What could he say? At that point, it was not about him, it was about me. I was asking him for help.”

Here is her list:

1. I need an expert to weigh in and evaluate your health, including your drinking. I think it is a problem, but I could be wrong. I need more facts to feel less anxious about your health.

2. I need to feel safe when we go out.

3. I need reassurance that alcohol is not going to mess up our family or our friendships. [Notice she said alcohol, not HIS drinking.)

* As related to your problem, what do you need? Write it down.

PS. All the blogs about mediation were inspired by a talk given by Denise Carl during a Family Education Meeting one Thursday evening, on August 27th. She referenced Robert Myers and as the original source. Mistakes in interpreting Denise’s teaching are all mine. Hers was perfect.