Speaking Back Into This Idea of Digging Deep Within

I have a confession to make. My life does not seem interested in telling me who I am. This makes a quote from Parker Palmer a problem for me when he says, "Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

Here is a Willimon (p. 55, Accidental Pastor) response:

"Without a Christ who summons, Palmer's sweet voice within is the best we can muster. But who, intently listening to his or her own subjectivity, risks anything as costly and crazy as God routine demands?

'Mary, how did you decide, by listening to your life, to become pregnant out of wedlock, have a sword pierce your soul, and bear the crucified Son of god into the world?"

See what I mean?

Vocation is not an inner inclination awaiting discovery by rooting around in the recesses of the ego. As Jesus succinctly says, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit' John 15:16"

If we combine Palmer's conviction that the Spirit within us has something to say and Willimon's reminder that God's handing out all the calling assignments, then I think we see an unfolding of something interesting to ponder. Because here is the thing that resonates with me personally. When God squeezes my shoulder (Willimon's point) and whispers in my ear, something deep inside me stirs and like a responsive reading in church my inmost being says (Palmer's point), "Yes. Oh yes. That is true."

These are truths I know but cannot articulate. These are truths I feel but cannot identify. These are truths that I can act on but not without external guidance and the gift of wisdom and discernment. So yes, yes, this is true. To know ourselves is to know God and to know God is to know ourself (bad paraphrase from Pythagoras). But confuse God's voice with our own ego speaking in a loud inside voice is a problem.