Weekly Blog

Tips, Tricks, Skills, Spirituality and Wisdom

Teresa McBean 10/21/19 Teresa McBean 10/21/19

Fear of others distracts us from our call

3 The legal experts and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery. Placing her in the center of the group, 4 they said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. 5 In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone women like this. What do you say?” 6 They said this to test him, because they wanted a reason to bring an accusation against him. Jesus bent down and wrote on the ground with his finger.

7 They continued to question him, so he stood up and replied, “Whoever hasn’t sinned should throw the first stone.” 8 Bending down again, he wrote on the ground. 9 Those who heard him went away, one by one, beginning with the elders. Finally, only Jesus and the woman were left in the middle of the crowd.

~ John 8:3-9, CEB

In community, open-mindedness is a necessity, particularly when it comes to our short-comings. Having an open mind doesn’t mean you change it whenever someone speaks up. It means you actually respect people enough to take what they’re saying seriously. It means asking the question, “What if this person is right?” when they share an opinion different from yours. This is an act of love and, if we’re in community with someone, it is an absolute necessity.

Refusing to do this is a form of violence. It causes harm. Refusing to consider or respect another person’s views is to admit that this person is not as important as you are. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to adopt another person’s views as your own. It doesn’t mean that your views are less important than everyone else’s. It means that you actually stop to consider another person’s thoughts because you value life and recognize that each person is made in the image of God. Therefore, each person is worth hearing and respecting.

The Pharisees, here, were not interested in this kind of relationship. They did not see this woman as a person worth valuing and listening to. Instead, they saw a person they could use. In a way, they saw someone they were afraid of. Their fear told them that letting this woman continue her life as it is was going to bring everything down.

So often we have these kinds of fears of others. They are ultimately distractions from our call: to live in deep, meaningful, loving relationships with one another where we can share freely even the things about ourselves that we’re ashamed of. In order to do so, we must remove fear from the conversation.

Teresa McBean 10/20/19 Teresa McBean 10/20/19

Don't let fear turn into judgment

~ John 8:3-9, CEB

As I wrote yesterday, I can’t control the world around me, I can only control me. I follow God to the best of my ability. I trust that others in our community do the same. Many people in our community have asked to be in accountable relationships within the community. Those people have asked for moral accountability. Therefore, when something is off, the community has the permission to step in and hold that person accountable. This is when we have the right to speak up on another person’s morality. I have asked for this kind of accountability and try to listen when others hold me accountable. I’m not perfect, but I try. I try to speak up when others have asked for the same back.

The problem is, there are SO many people in this world who aren’t interested in accountability. There are people in our community who don’t want it and haven’t asked for it. I can’t control that. So what are our options? We can take our own inventory and constantly take ownership for our own wrongdoings when we realize that’s what we’ve done. We can demand (or, you know, gently request) moral accountability from those who are in accountable relationship with us. We cannot do that when people haven’t asked for it. In fact, it’s just a waste of time. When it comes to something like moral outrage, you can cast the first stone if you want. I’m walking away.

When it comes to fear, you should only be as afraid of accountability as you are unaware of your own imperfections. If you ignore your stuff, then be very afraid. It tends to be that ignoring my stuff makes me more interested in controlling other people’s stuff. That’s the kind of thing that gets us and our communities in trouble.

Fear can very quickly turn into judgment of others.

Teresa McBean 5/18/18 Teresa McBean 5/18/18

Love Misunderstood

11-15 “I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.

~ John 15:11-15 The Message

If I have a very fuzzy idea about how God loves, it makes sense that I would have trouble figuring out how to love the way he loves me. I had no frame of reference for a gentle, unconditional, joyful loving relationship. My relationships mostly seemed conditional, hinging on my capacity to please the person whose love I desperately desired. I often felt like there was some love system that I was trying to game in order to trick someone into caring about me.

When I read the Old Testament I was confused by this God who scorched cities wiping dens of inequity. Don’t misunderstand, these folks seemed to deserve what they got - but where did that leave me on the spectrum of God smiting? God gave David power to slay Goliath but couldn’t seem to keep David from committing adultery and shockingly killing his faithful servant Uriah (his paramour’s husband) to hide his affair. God kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden (I failed to notice that he went with them). Joseph, a godly guy if a bit naive when he tells his brothers that he learned in a dream that he would one day rule them seems to suffer all sorts of unfair treatment. Is this how God loves? Does God really protect his beloved? Or are we all unworthy of being loved unless someone does something radical - like maybe dying on a cross - to save our sorry asses? Are we really so intrinsically broken? Are we all bad to the bone? I only had to read the book of Job to fuel my doubts about whether even God could love me without me ending up battered and bruised. After all, look what happened to Job, a righteous man. Even he got kicked in the gut. And I was no Job.

There was this sentence in John, I learned it in the King James translation, “Greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for his friends.” Ok, so I am supposed to love large, I thought. I am supposed to be willing to die for my friends.

This put me in codependent territory - a land where we pay more attention to the needs of others than we do to our own needs. This intuitively felt “off” to me. I struggled with the concept. It turns out this struggle was valuable.

Do you ever feel confused by God’s love commands? What trips you up?

To be continued…

Teresa McBean 12/6/17 Teresa McBean 12/6/17

Where the Wild Things Are

96 Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;mso-style-noshow:yes;mso-style-priority:99;mso-style-parent:"";mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;mso-para-margin:0in;mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination:widow-orphan;font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}

Although the road was circuitous and much misbehaving happened from start to finish Abraham’s descendants eventually did flourish like the stars. Eventually. But at any pin prick point in time, Abraham and Sarah were a mess.

Yesterday I suggested that all glory and no guts is not the story the bible tells. Even though there’s tons of glory (which we all love). Before we get too hopped up on miraculous signs and wonders, heed the words of Jesus: “Unless you see miraculous signs and wonders, you won’t believe.” John 4:48, CEB.

We can argue over whether this was Jesus taking a shot at someone, or Jesus gently correcting, or Jesus just telling the truth. But there is no argument over the gist of the quote. Jesus isn’t a fan of a big show of religiosity or loving God in the hopes he will show you a shooting star. He aligns himself with his Father: do justice, embrace faithful love…walk humbly with your God. BECAUSE GOD IS GOD…not for trinkets and magic show tricks.

I consider this as I stand at the edge of the fight and consider my options with the lightning fast processing of a big a** computer – or maybe an iphone. I am NOT going to get in the middle of all that shouting nonsense. I am not responsible for changing someone else. I am able to think creatively. Just because I can think of 100 things I want to do but probably shouldn’t doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to be done. And then, like a shooting star, it comes to me. I spin around and rush back to my car, throwing open the back hatch, and thank my lucky shooting stars that I am messy and I hoard books I love. I rifle through the Target bags and dig under the area rug that I must return this week. I toss aside my bible and my big book. I ignore my grandson’s pretty blue sweater that I have been looking for going on ages – will it still fit him? And there, shining like two little beacons of light I find them. Two freshly minted mostly undamaged books of “Braving the Wilderness” by Brene Brown, her latest publication which I have already read cover-to-cover FOUR times. She has some language in there about politics and people and conflict and bravery that are just so good. I grab them, slam the trunk, and return to the scene of what I think is a crime. And I say, as calmly as a person can who knows she might be called crazy in two minutes, “Excuse me. I have a gift for each of you.” Gifts are always something that create a pause. I stand between them and have just enough room to extend my arms and hand each of them the book. I say, “I hope this helps your suffering.” And then I walk back to my car and drive off.

I totally forget to vote.

I don’t know if this was good or bad or right or wrong or just crazy. I do know it was so upsetting that I had to go home and sit for 15 minutes to calm down before going BACK to vote. I just hope it helps. I hope it is more reflective of doing justice, loving faithfully, and humbly walking than my frozen state of non-doing last year. Of course, if you see these two guys yukking it up on Facebook about how that crazy old lady with the really cool boots did that totally insane book giveaway which effectively caused them to stop their public disagreement and what a nut job she was, please don’t judge her. She was trying to be brave.