Cheer With Your Friends

In a dog-eat-dog world, everyone fights for the table scraps. This is not a new thing; this is not an example of American capitalism run amok. It is actually quite ancient, a deep commitment by the inner reaches of our brain to keep us safe and. help the species survive. Our longest running skill sets stem from our competitive need to survive and compete for resources.

This instinct translates inappropriately (not at all beneficially) to all sorts of ways we categorize and complete with an us versus them mentality. We compete in every area of our lives instinctively. You are either a Cowboys fan or a Washington fan. You cheer for UVA or Tech - no exceptions allowed.

Jesus said something different, if I might paraphrase. He said, if you're friend loves the Cowboys, cheer with your friend. If you friend loves UVA, cheer with your friend. And vice versa. When the Cowboys play Washington, or UVA plays Tech, maybe do not tempt yourself by watching the game together. But whoever loses? Text your friend at the end and say, "Nice game." (We make these concessions because we are human and everyone has their limits.). Man, we struggle to do this, right?! How the HECK are we ever going to reconcile this both/and kind of vision Jesus had when it comes to dealing with political and religious differences if it is almost impossible to do so in the sports arena?

Well, I'd like to suggest that we practice suffering. Not because we need to be punished or make a wrong right, but because suffering, it seems, will be necessary if we are going to run this place the way God wants us to. Now, this is not easy. There are not many examples for us to follow. But there is Jesus.

Tomorrow we will talk more about Jesus as a good man and not so good a god (again, this is a Barbara Brown Taylor thought). For now, what if you were willing to apply the above example in your daily life? I'd love to know what that experience is like for you if you dare try it!

Jesus Shows the Way

Jesus was a good man but he was not such a good god (according to Barbara Brown Taylor) if you compare him to all the gods that came before him. He was not big and strong and demanding that his followers feed his ego. He was like no other god before him - a suffering one.

So let's make a note of that right off the top: we have freedom which gives us liberty but it does not give us license to do whatever feels good. We have the freedom to choose but our choices are boundaried ones. And they cause suffering.

Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.

1 Corinthians 6:12 The Message

Here's why: we are conditioned to think, feel and act in ways that are contrary to what John the Baptist came preaching and Jesus modeled. John the Baptist preached repentance - not out of guilt or shame, but his was a liberation theology - you can be saved from your old life and receive a new one. This assumes of course that our old lives are unsatisfactory. And I see no reason to think that has changed much.

Our survival instincts, long bred within us cry out for the same characteristics ancient mankind attributed to their gods - strength and power and domination. But Jesus did not come to appeal to our lowest instincts, he came to call us to our highest potential - a whole brain experience. He came to transform the world by loving it, not controlling it. Which, interestingly enough, models the same thing God modeled. Here's the thing I will never understand about God. He chose to enter into a partnership with humanity by inviting us to be part of running the world. He did not make us start at the bottom of the pyramid and work our way up into a position of worthiness. Straight after creating Adam and Eve, he says - "Here, run the place." (Genesis 1 - 3 gives us a good look at God's big idea and the rocky launch his concept endured.)

Most of the time it seems that it is more natural for us to run the world based on preferences, on finding a pattern that our brain can accept - us and them. This is our survival instinct - and it looks different for different people. At our house we play team game tag, which basically means Pops and Christian and Norah against Meme. Pops has a great self-preservation instinct, he's always ahead of the kids. Others among us think our survival depends on finding our one true love - who completes us - or finding a group we can belong to who will keep us safe. However our instincts define survival, we are well practiced at it; this has unintended consequences.

What happens when our fears and insecurities cause us to over-react in a frenzy for survival? What happens when we see danger lurking around every corner? Stay tuned.

Too Many Friends?

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

How could too many friends possibly cause us ruin? It's easier than one might think. Here's why. Friendship is hard; if you think you have a ton of friends, you might be misidentifying friendship; it is too hard to be a friend who is reliable and sticks closer than a brother to have but so many friends.

My grandson was telling me last night about his friend at school who he plays with all the time. Yesterday, this friend did not want to play with him. Does that make him an enemy? No! It gave me a chance to teach a toddler about boundaries. Afterwards, I considered how often it seems to me that we adults need to learn this stuff too.

Over the course of our lives we will have many opportunities to explore whether or not a person is a true, loving friend. Their (and our) limitations in the area of friendship is nothing anyone needs to judge. It's not always about whether or not someone is a 'good' or a 'bad' friend. More often, it is a question of discernment - is this person a friend to me? Do they have the capacity to stick closer than a brother? This is a high bar for me because my brother Bobby has set a high bar for my friends. I'm lucky that way.

The trick is to live in reality and not illusion. What does it look like to stick close? Tomorrow we'll explore that topic.

Come Back, Sweetheart!

My grandchildren, like yours I am sure, are perfect. Last Sunday afternoon, as happens most Sundays because we are super lucky to have them in town, they were running through the house playing chase. Christian would tease, "Come catch me Norah Jane...." and off he would run.

Norah would follow on fast little feet with her arms spread wide, "Come back sweetheart!"

It is just the cutest thing to watch them play.

Last summer, when they were almost a year younger, they struggled to play. Christian did not particularly want to share anything - especially the toys but including the water hose. Norah would grow frustrated with this miserly mister and on occasion, express her frustration with a little love bite. Sometimes Christian would push or tackle Norah; once Norah squirted him with the hose. On and on it went until it didn't - now they are best buddies.

Regardless of the earlier instances of toddler tussles, these two kids love each other well and I think they, like young children everywhere, have such great instincts for loving like Paul suggested we love in Romans 12 - one of my favorite chapters in the whole bible. Earlier in the passage Paul encourages us to "be ye transformed" by the renewing of our minds, but the part my grandkids remind me of is further along when Paul encourages us in 12 verses using 30 instructions to love one another. He says it in various ways - "do not repay evil with evil, but overcome evil with good" is one of them.

This is not some kind of high falutin' love. It's not made out of the warm fuzzy feelings we feel when we break bread with people we agree with and with whom we share a common enemy. No! This is about loving our enemies. OUR ENEMIES! Just a few short months ago there were days when it felt like Norah and Christian were enemies. They both wanted to drink from the same sippy cup; they fought over the same dump trunk; they wailed over having to take turns squirting Uncle Scott/Daddy with the hose. These problems were not solved by buying more cups, trucks and hoses. They resolved as they learned what it means to love one another.

I pray that the world might one day see through child-like eyes because love toddler-sized is a beautiful thing.

Estrangement

For decades I was afraid of anger. I didn't mind a little righteous indignation on behalf of another person now and again, but I would go to great lengths to not get angry with the people I loved. I excused, ignored, justified and rationalized bad behavior so long as the naughty person was someone I loved. It was exhausting.

I did not know that love and anger are companions; I had rarely witnessed anger as a normal response to loving one another. When we were first married Pete would sometimes express normal and appropriate anger. It would totally freak me out. He learned over the years to deal with his anger in ways that did not scare me, which basically meant trying to figure out how to handle conflict in ways I could tolerate - which was really unfair to him. We're lucky, I suppose, that we survived my anger-phobia. Getting angry is part and parcel of intimacy and love. Paul certainly knew that when he wrote in the book of Ephesians, "Be angry but do not sin...Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ as forgiven you." (Ephesians 4 and 5 is a good read.)

Anger is an emotion that is beneficial so long as we learn how to use it for good and not evil. It serves as a signal that we need to pay attention to something. Maybe there is a threat - or perhaps, a perceived threat that is actually no threat at all. Maybe anger is trying to teach us something we need to learn about ourselves - like, hypothetically speaking, we need a good therapist to help us sort through why anger freaks us out. Anger gets our body ready for a response. Often anger is just a good cover for fear. Whatever. They are both trying to get our attention.

Denying anger is the way I tried to cope; I can tell you, it is a short term solution if you're uncertain how to proceed but a lousy long term strategy for caring about yourself and others. Virtuous living is a beautiful thing - but no where is it considered a virtue to numb yourself from feeling your feelings.

As I said yesterday, Jesus is not trying to break people up but he does offer us ways to see and be in the world that allows for authentic human expressions of all kinds. Are there any emotional barriers between you ad your own authentic living?