Meditation Moment

Suddenly the cherries were there although I had forgotten that cherries exist.

Gunter Grass, “Transformation”

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV

Today, consider your weakness. Accept it. Rejoice in it, for these broken places may indeed end up being your strength. Your hope. Your experience. Your superpower.

Selfish? I Think Not!

I am not a fan of the old, worn out belief that AA and other mutual aid societies promote a selfish program, although I understand the sentiment. A husband who regularly pulled his wife out of pubs and honky tonks in the wee hours of the morning laments, “It used to be that my wife was never around because of her drinking; now she’s always at a meeting.”

In the short term, this husband sees no difference between his wife in the midst of her SUD and in recovery - where is she? He has a point but I think misses the potential for change. This program changes us; it wakes us up spiritually; we become more decent human beings. At first the program may feel arduous and time-consuming. It needs to be. We are working hard to manage early recovery post acute withdrawal symptoms. We are learning new skills. We need to establish and deepen a support system. Eventually - this wife can show up more fully present in her home.

This is not being selfish; this is learning how to treat a potentially fatal disease.

I had a guy tell me this was a selfish program because members help others because it helps themselves. According to him, this is selfish. We need to do things from a pure motivation he says and anything short of pure love is useless. I heard what he said but still scratched my head over the sentiment. OF COURSE this work helps both the giver and the receiver. Antibiotics helped me get over a sinus infection last month but no one called me selfish for taking them! Now, if the ONLY reason we work a 12th step is to benefit ourselves, I assure you, it will not last. But if it takes this understanding of the benefits of the work for us to get started? Who can argue with such reasoning? It’s ok to start with a mixed motive.

If we stick with this work long enough, it will occur to us that we better do so without expectations of reward or compensation. Because let me tell you - oftentimes, there is no reward or compensation. And that is as it should be. Many of the people who tried to help me pre-recovery received no benefit from their efforts. In fact, they usually ended up having to endure my baloney. Today, I see how each foray into the jungle of my dark lost mind with the intent to rescue was a breadcrumb that eventually led me out of the darkness and toward the light. But none of the breadcrumb droppers know that!

Sharing, even in the face of heartbreak, gives us a new set of problems.

Meditation Moment

What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.

Charles Bukowski, “how is your heart?”

Take time today to sit and ponder. What do you need? What do you need to support your own change and transformational work? Who can you ask for support? What resources might be available, one google away? What keeps you from seeking and finding the resources you need to live your best life?

A Life Worth Defending

Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

In the midst of our current situation - quarantine, COVID-19, shortages on toilet paper and lemonade (of all things) - we continue to have no shortage of divergent perspectives. I recognize that I am extremely fortunate. No one in my family is dealing with a job loss. I happen to like my husband and enjoy quarantining with him. I do not have small children to raise in isolation or high schoolers to keep on track with their schoolwork. I am a blessed woman.

AND I am acutely aware of those who are struggling with an accumulation of anguish. How do you manage living in NYC with a partner who needs daily radiation to treat her recurrence of cancer? How do you sit at home in Atlanta while your sister passes away after a massive stroke in NC? Our normal life sufferings - life and death, sickness and health - are all disrupted. We are still getting sick, dying, healing, and living - but without the accoutrements of hospital visits and funerals and reasonably safe travel to and fro. For many, normal life suffering has escalated and accumulated.

What a time we live in. This is the time we sit and ponder and remember what we value when nothing feels at risk. We love life; it is dear to us; we will defend it.

So my relatives in NYC are given the loan of a car to help them travel safely for those daily treatments; we pause the funerals and press on in our mourning. We celebrate our recoveries and appreciate our health. We find joy where we can without forgetting that for many, it has been lost in transit.

How can we ease the accumulation today? What can we do to remind ourselves that our planet is blue and green, a virtual breeding ground for suffering AND also a place of rebirth, renovation and restoration? How can we appropriately lament the losses and nourish the thriving? What is your superpower? How will you use it today?

What Color is Your World?

I have a small decorative globe that spins hypnotically when tiny hands get hold of it. I leave it within reach of my grandchildren, believing that their wonder is more precious than this trinket. One day my grandson, who has been learning about the planets, constellations, and rotation in his preschool class, says, “Meme, is this a planet?”

“Yes, Christian, this is planet earth. Here is where you live!” I point out Virginia, grateful that his place on the planet is so close to mine.

My globe is a rich golden hue; I bought it because the color was perfect for my den, not because I particularly needed or wanted a globe.

“Meme, you are incorrect. That is not my planet.”

“Yes, see? It says here, ‘United States’ - our city, our state, our country, our continent, our planet.” (I have never claimed that my superpower included reasoning with a three year old.)

“Meme.” Christian is ramping up the firmness in his tone. “This is NOT our planet.”

I give up. “Tell me how you know that.” Big sigh from a little body. “Memeeeeee….our planet is blue and green.”

HOW we see truly does inform perspective. HOW do you see the world? Is it hostile? Is it out to get you? Or is it…..something else? What if you could reframe your perspective? What if you would benefit from a changed perspective? Is it possible that the capacity to listen and learn might just be a superpower? I was focused on getting the facts straight; I needed to listen to learn what this kid already knew. The 12th step requires us to learn how to listen as part of our work to try to carry a message that can be received.