Stop Sleepwalking!

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

How do we stop trying to regain control in such destructive ways?

I am, obviously, not an expert.  I can only pass on some things I've been taught but haven't yet learned.  

We cannot sleepwalk through life and expect to see any progress in our relationship to unconscious living.  Diligent attentiveness paves the path forward.  Attentiveness to what?

We'll start with triggers.  This has, unfortunately, become a politicized word.  Some seem to find pleasure in boasting about how strong they are with the implication being they do not experience triggers.  

We all experiences triggers.  When your reaction to a circumstance, or something someone says to you, or some such thing far exceeds what is rational for that specific circumstance at that specific moment in time then you have experienced a trigger.  

Looking back: 2021 Scott TAKES DOWN 2017 Scott

I have nothing negative to say about myself here. It’s true- we cannot sleepwalk through life. It’s important to know our desires. It’s important that we know what kind of life we want to live. It’s important to know what kind of life we can realistically live- and create. It’s important to accept the limits we may have in pursuing the life we want to live. And it’s important that we stretch ourselves to grow and continuously add new things to our lives so that, no matter what life throws at us, we have things that help life feel as if it’s worth living.

A Well-Constructed Scaffolding

"Mom, how many therapists do you need?"

"As many as it takes."

"As many as it takes for what?"

"As many as it takes to support my limitations so that I can live my one wild and precious life."

Here is what I need you to know. Your limitations probably are not going anywhere. No one is as shocked by this as I am. I am shocked, stunned, gob-smacked, that I can be this old and still have the same limitations I had when I was twenty. But it is true. And I hate to break it to you, but I bet you do too.

The illusion of youth is that "growing up" means outgrowing our limitations. Sorry. Not my experience.

Instead, what I have learned is how to construct scaffolding around myself to support my growing up. Kate Bowler, one of my favorite humans on the planet, says that, "Life is a chronic condition." And boy is she right!

Maybe we can learn from our brothers and sisters in the mutual aid society world of AA, NA, al-anon, nat-anon, etc. Some things we manage. And that's ok. This is only a problem if we fail to recognize our need for managing our limitations with humility and hopefully a bit of grace!

This is Not Suffering…This is Whining

Suffering is a great killer of faith. For people who are not only used to suffering but can also not avoid it? They perhaps handle it better. But for those of us who are reasonably comfortable? I wonder if we have gotten too out of touch with reality. I notice an awful lot of people acting like suffering should not exist at all.

Take me for instance. I ordered this piece of furniture on January 1, 2021. The handy email receipt told me to expect delivery on March 1st. I would have preferred it in January - but ok, I think, I can be flexible. I am a reasonable person; I realize that we are in the first year of a pandemic and I know that history teaches us that pandemics last two years. I can wait until March.

March and April come and go but still I do not have my piece of furniture. Estimated time of arrival? End of May. I start complaining about this as if it is a hardship. It is not. It is an expected result in the middle of a pandemic.

We humans have been complaining about our suffering since the beginning of time. God couldn't work fast enough to get Eve created and handed over to Adam. He did not need a single dating app or dating ritual - God just provided. Still with the complaining. One tree out of a whole garden off limits? Those two could not bear it. They had to nibble at its fruit. You know the rest of the story.

Ending suffering is a worthy cause. I spend parts of every day praying and pondering - how can we do more to end the suffering of families struggling with the epidemic of substance use disorder? If I had a magic wand, I would wave it.

But waiting on a piece of furniture is not suffering, it's called waiting. Suffering is when I think I am too special to have to wait - which reminds me too much of my toddler grandchildren who at least have age as an excuse for their need for immediate cookie gratification. A garden full of delicious offerings with one lousy tree considered out-of-bounds is not suffering, it's called denial of limitations. I confess that today I realize that if my sideboard never arrives, I'm still one blessed human.