Permission to Feel Your Feelings…

“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.”

Unknown

Recently one of my kids had to have a tough conversation with someone they love. My kid shared feelings - big feelings, hurt feelings. This kid is a true McBean, talking about feelings is not really our thing and yet my kid did.

If no one has given you permission to go big with your feelings - here is your chance to receive permission. It is ok to be THAT PERSON. The one who has to say - Hey, I’m feeling very hurt AND I love you - so it makes it a bit harder. Sometimes you have to say that LOUD. And when you do, you will find out who can hold your authenticity. And that is extremely important information.

Find your tribe; the people who give you space to be your saddest, maddest, loneliest self. Find your tribe; the people who love you back. And then you will find the beauty of shared unconditional positive regard - so much better than trying to figure out how to win approval.

Go be you and use that experience to guide you into new insights about who you want to become!

Self-Worth and Self-Care

“Rest is not idle, is not wasteful. Sometimes rest is the most productive thing you can do for body and soul.”

Erica Layne

People who know their worth recognize the value of self-care. They rest. They relax. They allow time for restoration. Those of us who do not KNOW this, are forced to either hop on the hamster wheel of trying to prove it to self and others or find some way to numb the pain that is associated with living a lie - that we are somehow lacking.

Devaluing or inflating ourselves is living a lie and lies are hard to maintain. It rubs against our nature. It flies in the face of who God says we are. It requires massive amounts of denial.

The world feels like a scary place; I get that. I know, oh how I know, the anxiety born of wanting to please and not offend others. But I also know this - trying to win someone’s approval when I refuse to approve of myself is a waste of time. It’ll never happen.

So today, rest up. And think about it - if you were a person of value and inherently worthy, what kind of person would you want to be?

Cultivating Your Tribe…

“Tell your story. Shout it. Write it...Some won’t understand it...But many will thank you for it. And then the most magical thing will happen. One by one...your tribe will gather. And you will never feel alone again.”

L. R. Knost

I encountered an exotic creature in a recent zoom meeting - a woman who did not care, one iota, what most people thought of her. She cares deeply about people. She advocates for the vulnerable among us. But she only cares about how a handful of people experience her. And it is not because she wants their approval! She wants their respect. She does not want respect handed to her; she wants to earn it. Their opinions help her gauge the effectiveness of her efforts.

I was bowled over by her way of seeing herself and the world. This is very, very different from my way of thinking. I am more inclined to ask for support and approval first, and only later consider if the ask was appropriate or the return on my vulnerability worth it.

She and I are opposite in some ways; I want to learn from her.

It seems to me that there is no true satisfaction in the road of adaptation to fit the expectations of others. If we adapt our story to gain approval or avoid judgment - what’s that acceptance worth? We are not being accepted for who we are, at best, we are being taken on face value - the image, the face that we painted on to mask the story we fear will not be good enough.

So this exotic creature with her internal sense of worth is not only colorful, she is authentic. Delightful. A force to be reckoned with! She is who she is, and feels best when she knows that those who like and love her are part of her life in a genuine, authentic way. Here’s what she said, “I would rather have fewer friends than to have a bunch of friends who I cannot trust to stay when I’m at my worst.”

Bravo.

I pray that each of us finds the tribe that gathers around us, not because we coerced them through image crafting, but because they appreciate a decent authentic relationship.

The Welcoming Prayer

Oh Tiger, Tiger, what if you could believe that God makes everything come out right? What if we believed the same? Spend some time today reminding yourself that as a faithful person, this is actually what you sign up to believe when you commit yourself to God.

Some days I have no words to express my heart’s longings. That’s ok! We know the Spirit is groaning on our behalf like Serena Williams in the middle of a crucial match point. But some days I WANT words, and when those days hit, I often turn to the prayers of others who have gone before me. The Welcoming Prayer is one of my favorites. When I pray it, I am practicing faith even when filled with doubt, courage even when overcome with fear. I pray this prayer as a way of naming my intentions - to believe that God is for me, not against me; that his hand is upon me as support and encouragement, not to punish or manipulate me. It is short and specific. I admit to God and myself that my assessments may feel certain in the moment but have often proven unreliable. I commit my intention to let go of those false strategies that honestly, never worked that great anyway. I let go of my desire to control life, rather than surrender to God’s presence in my life. Join me?

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment because I know it is for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions.

I let go of my desire for security.

I let go of my desire for approval.

I let go of my desire for control.

I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God and the healing action and grace within.

By Mary Mrozowski*

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A note about Mary. She was a founding member of Chrysalis House, a contemplative community in Warwick, New York. She was a vital spiritual force, well-known for her deep spirituality and love of God.