Gratitude

Closing out August with a ton of gratitude. Apologies for all those who I am missing....

While I was lazing around enjoying my vacation, our friends Gala and Carolyn responded to a request for volunteers willing to do some painting at NSC. They did a bang up job and I am extremely extremely grateful. I cannot wait to see how great the new space looks!

It would have been a mistake not to ask for help...but that would have been my inclination. I'm so glad Scott thought to ask! I'm grateful for his willingness to ASK! I am grateful for being on Scott's team NSC - and the fact that he lets me play with my granddaughter Norah!

My friend Debi generously steps up and facilitates Wednesday night women's group when I cannot be there - everyone enjoys her gifted leadership and I receive the gift of not having to find a strong internet connection every time I leave town. Thanks Debi, for my vacation!

We have a team that is working on writing grants to help fund some new adventures at NSC. Thanks to this team and all their hard work to help NSC do its thing.

For Tim and Debi and Anne and others who regularly post on the NSC Community Group page words of encouragement - we hear you and we appreciate you!

Thanks to Jessie and Linda and Anne and others in supporting the work of NSC in ways both large and small - it is all important and it all matters.

To Steve and Brian we give thanks for our return to NSC...to the beat of your wonderful music.

Thanks to Denise and the partners and speakers who allow our Thursday night Friends and Family Education Program to keep bringing support and education to families seeking recovery for those they love. To Walt and

Emily and their commitment to SMART Recovery - we are so grateful!

Our board - we thank you for continuing to help us dream!

And for all you wonderfully supportive Enneagrammers who are helping me learn a new way of servicing - thank you thank you thank you.

For all of you who have hosted and/or attended our Saturday night gatherings - what fun you are to hang with - thank you for sharing yourselves and making Saturday night something to anticipate with pleasure!

As always...a huge shout out to all of you wonderful souls who keep showing up, even when it is inconvenient and NOT your preference. God bless you and yours!

Back to School…

School is back in session for many of our kiddos and the rest will be starting soon. Pray for them, their families, the teachers and support staff. Year two of a pandemic and it surely has been a test of resilience for our educational system.

Today, may we lift up a blessing for them.

Fall can be an opportunity for all of us to reset ourselves and make a fresh start. I think there’s some internal clock in most of us that is engrained from all those years of back-to-school start ups. What could you do to test your own resilience, evaluate you own life and consider making some adjustments as we move toward the last quarter of 2021.

Take a Break!

Do you ever feel under attack? Do you wonder what the world is coming to? For all of us who are paying attention and finding plenty to be concerned about, I offer you this-look around.

Pay attention to the little people in our lives - make sure they see our eyeballs and our smiling faces! No little people in your life? Can you find a way to volunteer or support folks who have lots of littles and maybe could use a break?

Find a way to give back. Not something big or dramatic, that is neither sustainable or necessary. Calls, texts, notes, taking road trips down memory lane - it's all uplifting!

Treat yourself. Sure, we are all aware of the value of eating healthy and exercising but once in a while, enjoy the pure pleasure of an ice cream cone on a hot summer's day or a glass of ice tea in your best crystal!

Rest. Take breaks. Go for a drive. Change your scenery. I love to grab a latte and take a 20 minute drive down by the river in the middle of the day just to reset my compass and clear my mind. Work a puzzle or take up crosswords! Try something new without worrying about being good at it!

Come over and play pickle ball with Pete and I - the net is always up and we are always looking for a good game.

What else could you add to this list? Who could you add to your adventures?

Big T, Little t

We regularly talk about trauma in our community. We define it as either Big T trauma (a one-time cataclysmic event) or Little T trauma (think of it as the steady drip drip drip of being in a non-nurturing environment). These two kinds of trauma make it hard for some of us to recognize that we are experiencing the consequences of living with untreated trauma.

Do you wonder if you might be feeling the effects of trauma? One symptom is feeling different from others. Traumatic experiences (big or little) typically feel surreal. We are likely to minimize or excuse them - especially the Little T traumas. The type of trauma can dictate how an individual feels different or believes that they are different from others. Traumas that generate shame will often leave survivors feeling alienated from others. Feeling bad or fearing that they might behave badly, trauma survivors makes it even more unlikely that they will seek support and healing.

This sneaky trauma response might leave us more brittle and judgmental, or too pliable and people pleasing. Here's my point: it's not enough to just try to behave perfectly or believe flawlessly or better ourselves. We need to give ourselves permission to open up our lens of compassionate self-awareness. Get more curious! Explore the ways our behavior might be more about symptoms than character or competence.

This exploration has been tremendously healing for me; I hope you will consider the possibility that life could get better but the return to joy may require taking the road less traveled.

Fail Often, with Great Joy

This is important. No one has perfect judgment. No one can, should, must, ought, or needs to be responsible all the time. No one can avoid mistakes. No one can live up to their own expectations or the expectations of others. In fact, assuming too much responsibility is more linked to trauma than it is too sainthood. I wish I had learned this earlier in life and I will spend the rest of my life giving other people permission to do what I could not allow myself to do for most of my life - fail often with great joy.

Fail at being 100% available.

Fail at avoiding pitfalls and mistakes.

Fail at trying so darn hard.

And notice, in the midst of all this failing to achieve, that everyone else is also failing.

Normalize failing and practice non-shaming responses. If we can pair those two principles together, then we can create an environment that is less traumatizing. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Armed with what we know - failing is not bad but it is inevitable - share failings aggressively. This serves several important purposes. It de-stigmatizes our shame and it encourages others. When Pete fails, I do not think he is a failure; I sigh with relief that maybe I do not have to be perfect either. It provides me a chance to remind him that we all fall short, so what? It helps to share with safe people, and that may require some additional failing along the way. I'm amazed at how differently humans respond to my own confessions of shortcoming. Sometimes I share and then feel that I made another mistake in sharing; I want to lie and hide from my limitations. But others get curious, ask questions, help me turn my failure into an experience, and remind me that I am not a mistake - I made a mistake.

2. Be the person other people can fail around. This doesn't mean that we never give feedback, we can and do (with permission). We just figure out how to be a safe person in the midst of recovering fromfailure.

3. Notice that the only way to avoid failure is to stop learning, growing, and leaning out over our skies a bit. It leaves one with a very, very small life.

How is fear of failure holding you back?