Becoming Sensitive To Insensitivities

Brenè Brown tells a story about moving to a new school and only getting invited to the black kids birthday parties. Why? Because her given name did not sound "white" enough. Weird, right? Here are ways that we struggle and cope with unfairness:

1. We develop the inability to feel compassion because we. just. can't. do. it. anymore.

2. We minimize or excuse the suffering.

3. We feel helpless and responsible and stressed out but do not DO.

4. We stay in a bad situation because we feel like we are Jesus and it is required of us and no one else should have to endure this torment.

Notice that these are not helpful and they increase our stress and the stress of others. We need to learn to DO something different. To be continued...

In the meantime, where have you been insensitive? When have others been insensitive toward you?

Beware of Your Bias!

We all have cognitive biases. Here's an important one. It is impossible to understand that there are people who are patently disadvantaged over others. People in a dominant group find it impossible to believe that the afflicted group is not somehow to blame for their affliction. Here is why. People notice their adversities but deny their advantages. You know this is true.

When my husband watches his beloved Dallas Cowboys play, the refs are always unfair to the Cowboys. They NEVER miss a call that would go against the opposing team. It's a thing - folks believe that their preferred teams have more disadvantages and they do NOT consider possible advantages that might help their team in ways that are unfair to the "enemy."

Sometimes our stress is self-inflicted - and this is an opportunity for just that scenario. There will be times when we inaccurately assess that we are being treated unfairly. In other situations, we will fail to notice the subtle and not-so-subtle advantages that we may have as a result of privileges we do not realize we are receiving.

What should we do? Pay attention! Notice your bias! Try to do a little better.