On Being Brave

You have been as brave as anybody I’ve known, and it is comforting to think about it. You probably don’t think of yourself as brave because nobody who really has courage does.

Marlon Brando, Letter to Tennessee Williams

During tough times we often forget that courage does not necessarily require dramatic acts that make the headlines. Sometimes it is a series of small, insignificant right steps. Be brave, one small step at a time!!!

Learn to enjoy a process

It takes bravery and self-discipline to practice living out of your certain way of seeing under difficult circumstances, but there’s a certain joy that comes from bravery and discipline.

Last year I started a new workout plan. I see a trainer 3 or 4 times per year and he gives me a regimen that it takes me 10 to 15 weeks to complete. At first, I hated it. I had a gym routine that I liked- even though it wasn’t particularly giving me any benefits anymore. The new routine means I have to workout in areas in the gym that I hate. I had to learn to lift weights- which meant lifting very lightly- much lighter than some of the middle and high schoolers in the gym. Embarrassing stuff.

Over time, I began to enjoy the process. Is it because I became so strong and buff that I liked how I looked? Nope. That hasn’t happened. It’s because I was exercising discipline in doing something that I knew was good for me, even if the activities themselves were difficult to get through. Some days I finish a routine and sit down on the floor in a puddle of sweat and try not to pass out. That isn’t particularly pleasant, but I know it’s going to give me the opportunity to be a husband and father who is around for the long haul.

I want to take care of myself for the sake of my family and community. I do not enjoy the act of deadlifting, but I have learned to appreciate what the act does for me such that I can do it without being irritated. I have learned to enjoy the process of taking care of myself because I can see how the process contributes to what I want for my life: to be a person who is healthy and available for family and community.

There is a certain joy that comes from exercising a little discipline, even if it isn’t that much, and even if the outcomes of the discipline aren’t that large. Sometimes you just have to trust the process and hope that joy will arrive on its own time.

So, what is the process?

A Prayer for Wednesday

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Last week we talked about change, bravery, trust, receiving feedback and the skill set of relational reciprocity.  Can we pause to admit that change is not easy?  Can we agree with Brene’ that it often requires us to challenge long held perspectives and rules which our family system has propagated for generations? 

In their book Rooted In God’s Love, Dale and Juanita Ryan speak to this very topic (pp.134-135) and offer a prayer, here it is:

Lord, it isn’t just me

that I am trying to change.

I am up against

generations of dysfunction.

An empty way of life

has dominated my family for a long time.

It has been passed down to me.

No wonder it seems so hard to change.

I need your help, Lord.

Help me to find hope

in your understanding of my struggle.

Help me to find hope in your gift of redemption.

AMEN

I pray this for you; I ask you to pray this for me.  Together, we carry on. 

On Being Brave

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Recently I received an email criticizing me for a particular course we were offering in our community.  This person evidently is on our mailing list.  It felt great.  Not the criticism, no, I do NOT like to be criticized but it turns out I have other feelings as well about criticism and THAT is what felt great.

In Brene’ Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness she opens up about her own fears and uncertainties.  In particular, when her research teaches her that she will “challenge long-held beliefs or ideas” (p.3), she confesses to self-doubt and fear.  Her plan of action, an antidote really, for this kind of personal freakout, is to “search for inspiration from the brave innovators and disrupters whose courage feels contagious.  I read and watch everything by them or about them that I can get my hands on...I do this so that when I need them, when I’m living in my fera, they come to sit with me and cheer me on.” (p.3)  For me, Brene is one of MY go-to peeps for times like these.

So it was GREAT when I received the email while I was studying Braving.  Brene has all sorts of amazing vocab and stories to help us figure out how to be brave especially in the midst of criticism.  Read her book.  It is so good!  What I love the most about her work is that she teaches me that brave does NOT equal fearlessness.  It doesn’t have to mean we are instantly calm and kind and cool in the face of criticism. 

Brave as illustrated by Brown means that we keep plugging away; we learn stuff; we develop strategies that allow us to practice bravery even when we feel like a chicken.  She harps, quite eloquently, on this thing called vulnerability and it is working for her.  So I will continue to follow her lead.

Along the way, I have a couple phrases of my own that I have incorporated, and tomorrow we will talk about one of them.  In the meantime, let me ask you:  how do you feel when a stranger criticizes you, your work, and/or your character?

PS.  Here’s hoping you totally cannot relate to criticism from strangers!!