The Growing Up and the Growing Old

She had a strong German accent and was dressed from head to toe in a canary yellow tennis ensemble. Pete and I were standing in line at the local YMCA near our favorite vacation spot. For the last few years he and I try to get away for some quiet time to rest and recharge our batteries - McBean style. This means working out, paddle boarding, kayaking, foosball, walking, ping pong, etc. The 'etc.' also includes tennis, once we found a local Y that would give us guest privileges to use their courts. Hence, standing in line. Although the Y may be small and intimate, the red tape to get through the door and onto the courts is not.

As we shift from foot-to-foot, filling out forms and answering a multitude of questions, up comes the canary clad lady. The front desk clerk, a cheery woman who helps us get into the inner sanctum every year, acknowledges her presence with an apologetic nod to us - the knuckleheads causing the hold up.

"I can wait," she says as she sizes me up. "You know, we play doubles tennis here and we are always looking for....well, you know...new people." I really do think she was working hard to not say, 'fresh meat'. We remained silent and non-committal. She was just getting warmed up.

"You know," she leans in, "I'm of a certain age. My children think I cannot order at a restaurant for myself or make my own decisions." She shrugs. "My kids are in their sixties! You'd think they'd have more pressing matters to attend to. I'm too busy with my sports and other commitments to keep them apprised of my goings and comings!"

Sixties? Her kids are in their sixties?

"My own children seem to think we're old," I nod at Pete. "They're very concerned that we take good care of ourselves in the midst of a pandemic and whatnot."

"Well, that's only reasonable," she replies briskly. "But what I take offense at is feeling....smothered."

One lovely element of receiving stories includes the opportunity to find common ground. I, refusing to share a common enemy (because it is a cheap and tawdry substitute for true connection), particularly appreciate how often, almost inevitably, we humans can find meaningful connection. Today, we connect in this moment of shared knowing. I am the age of her children, but somehow, with careful listening comes a shared experience. I have children too. And no matter the actual age, the generational divide is there. Mother and daughter. Mother and son. The elder, the younger. The growing up and the growing old.

Waiting in Lines…

"You need to write a book about all the stories people tell you while we are waiting in lines," said Pete. He has a point.

I countered, "If I wrote THAT book, I would call it..."PLEASE Keep Telling Me Your Stories," which did not thrill him. He is not as big a fan of the long and winding road one travels when listening to a stranger. But I love every mile.

People are so interesting. They have so much to share!

When I was sad and lonely, depressed and anxious, it was hard for me to show up for listening. I tried. I did my best because this is a core value of mine. But for me, and maybe I'm just weird (ok, I am weird), listening requires a certain kind of spiritual presence. We can learn how to improve our listening skills and fall back on those when needed. Sometimes that is the best we can do. But it is an anemic substitute for the pure joy that comes when I fall head over heels in love with someone else's story.

When I am not sad, lonely, depressed and anxious, one of my favorite things is listening to the stories people share. I will do it under any condition (the aforementioned sad, lonely, depressed and anxious) but when I am able to bring my healthiest self to the conversation, oh the joy!

Tomorrow, have I got a story for you!

Cheer With Your Friends

In a dog-eat-dog world, everyone fights for the table scraps. This is not a new thing; this is not an example of American capitalism run amok. It is actually quite ancient, a deep commitment by the inner reaches of our brain to keep us safe and. help the species survive. Our longest running skill sets stem from our competitive need to survive and compete for resources.

This instinct translates inappropriately (not at all beneficially) to all sorts of ways we categorize and complete with an us versus them mentality. We compete in every area of our lives instinctively. You are either a Cowboys fan or a Washington fan. You cheer for UVA or Tech - no exceptions allowed.

Jesus said something different, if I might paraphrase. He said, if you're friend loves the Cowboys, cheer with your friend. If you friend loves UVA, cheer with your friend. And vice versa. When the Cowboys play Washington, or UVA plays Tech, maybe do not tempt yourself by watching the game together. But whoever loses? Text your friend at the end and say, "Nice game." (We make these concessions because we are human and everyone has their limits.). Man, we struggle to do this, right?! How the HECK are we ever going to reconcile this both/and kind of vision Jesus had when it comes to dealing with political and religious differences if it is almost impossible to do so in the sports arena?

Well, I'd like to suggest that we practice suffering. Not because we need to be punished or make a wrong right, but because suffering, it seems, will be necessary if we are going to run this place the way God wants us to. Now, this is not easy. There are not many examples for us to follow. But there is Jesus.

Tomorrow we will talk more about Jesus as a good man and not so good a god (again, this is a Barbara Brown Taylor thought). For now, what if you were willing to apply the above example in your daily life? I'd love to know what that experience is like for you if you dare try it!

Affirming Others Helps You Become Who YOU Want to Be

I have been trying to practice offering more affirmations over the last few months. I am slow to learn. Like I said a few days ago, it feels like it takes a surprising amount of effort. The reality is, I often just don’t feel like it.

I don’t want to give examples because I don’t want to embarrass anyone who might be reading this, but I can say I have noticed something very strange about offering someone an affirmation: It makes me feel more like...well...me. Or, at least, it makes me feel more like the me I want to be.

I want to be someone who builds others up. I want people who come into contact with me to feel like my presence contributed to their hope, or joy, or sense of belonging (and/or more). When you affirm someone, you can often see very clearly from their facial expressions that you contributed to that person feeling good (or maybe better). And that’s a good feeling.

If you’re struggling to feel like you are truly becoming who you want to be, practice affirming someone. Let them know how much they mean to you. Let them know how much you appreciate their sense of humor, or their wisdom, or their loyalty, or their willingness to help, or their courage, or whatever it is.

Try it. You may find that it makes you a better you.

Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.

Ephesians 4:29