Positive Faith in Scripture: A God Who Comforts

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. There will be no mourning, crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4, CEB

God’s goal, his plan, in fact, is to move creation to a place where there will be no death, no pain. There will be no more need for sadness because creation itself will perfectly embody his compassion, patience, mercy, and love.

And, even so, he will wipe away the tears from the sadness that has come before. Because he is a comforter.

There will one day be a time where no future comfort is needed- but we all have pasts- and he is here for us, to heal us.

Positive Faith in Scripture: God’s Dominant Characteristics

“But you, my Lord,

are a God of compassion and mercy;

you are very patient and full of faithful love.”

Psalm 86:15, CEB

Thinking about faith in positive terms is not just about how we view ourselves- it also has quite a lot to do with how we view God.

Many struggle to believe in God as scripture presents him and as God speaks of himself in scripture. This is because preachers for the last 100 years or so have treated God’s “rare” qualities as if they are “dominant” qualities in order to motivate people into joining churches, or making decisions, or whatever the case may be. Regardless of the specifics, this has largely been done to make the preacher look good and has little to do with God or the person on the receiving end of the message.

Psalm 86 echoes the most-often repeated claim about God in the Bible- that he is compassionate and merciful, and patient and loving. These are his dominant traits. They are the ones most prominently on display “most” of the time (it generally takes hundreds of years to get God angry).

God spends more of his time lamenting the fact that his own people can’t seem to embody these same traits- compassion, mercy, patience, and love- than he does being angry at them over it.

Because of your past, it is likely quite hard to believe that God is the things Psalm 86 says. But, if you did believe them…what would that change for you?

Holding the Truth Gently…

In my first meeting with my new therapist, the one I hoped would keep me out of the hospital, she told me that I had no clue what self-compassion was, and I needed to learn. She's a straight shooter! Honestly, this was news to me.

She pointed out patterns I had of making excuses for the bad behavior of others and calling that compassion. According to her, that's not compassion. Compassion is the ability to hold the truth...gently. If we do not do it for ourselves, we will never grasp how to do it with others.

Diligent practice of self-compassion lowers stress hormones and improves mood. Self-compassion that results in self-forgiveness is associated with greater physical and mental well-being.

None of this diminishes our motivation, although people fear that outcome. We seem to think that if we're not being hard on ourselves, maybe we'll go all soft and stop trying. This is NOT true.

If self-compassion feels like a bridge too far, how about starting with lovingkindness towards others?

Becoming Sensitive To Insensitivities

Brenè Brown tells a story about moving to a new school and only getting invited to the black kids birthday parties. Why? Because her given name did not sound "white" enough. Weird, right? Here are ways that we struggle and cope with unfairness:

1. We develop the inability to feel compassion because we. just. can't. do. it. anymore.

2. We minimize or excuse the suffering.

3. We feel helpless and responsible and stressed out but do not DO.

4. We stay in a bad situation because we feel like we are Jesus and it is required of us and no one else should have to endure this torment.

Notice that these are not helpful and they increase our stress and the stress of others. We need to learn to DO something different. To be continued...

In the meantime, where have you been insensitive? When have others been insensitive toward you?

The Little Engine That Could Not…

I used to think I had to be the little engine that could until I realized one day that I could not. I could not keep on with this pattern of living that required me to give without regard for my own wellbeing. Most of us are familiar with Jesus' teaching on "turn the other cheek." As a Christian, I figured this was an important teaching - after all, it shows up more than once in the gospels. It really does SOUND like we are supposed to set ourselves up to be human punching bags in these passages. And, my family system of origin, while completely irreligious in my early formative years, taught me the same thing. I lapped this stuff up like it was melting ice cream on a hot summer's day.

Why? Because if JESUS said turn the other cheek, then maybe I did not need to question the way in which I was parented. I could ignore the unhealthy aspects of my family and focus my attention on doing what I was raised to do - give.

I am not going to try to exegete such an important passage of scripture in a blog. But here's what I'm learning. The world is a violent place and people are not particularly nice. When under duress, they probably are never going to see someone else's position from a place of compassion and empathy. That's a given. It's not personal, it is a reflection of who they are not what you have or have not done.

However, the effect of this violence is devastating. And it is violence. Anytime we are not living in such a way as to communicate positive regard for others and deep respect, it is an assault on each individual's capacity for virtue.

Turning the other cheek, for all that it means and does not mean, may point us in a certain direction for understanding. We need to learn that the world is a violent place and how to handle these constant assaults on our souls. The answer is rarely going to be found within the context of the relationship of anyone who is willing to strike you on your cheek in the first place. Depending on the relationship, it may need to be addressed.

But other times, it simply needs to be acknowledged. That person was violent toward me. I need to turn and walk in a different direction. This does not preclude a relationship but it changes the nature of the relationship in profound ways.

And hear me on this...you do not have to keep giving to that relationship. You can step back. You can give someone else a turn to give to them.

What relationships are you in that are not nurturing? Step back. Re-evaluate. Consider other options. Sometimes we need help sorting all this out. That's ok. Just know that there is something there that needs sorting, and if you do not do so, your body will let you know.