A Prototype of American Values…

"The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus."

Bruce Lee

One influencer in my life is a person who is the prototype of American values. He is strong and brave and tough; also, he is tender and kind and generous. He is someone who has believed in me when I did not believe in myself. He EXPECTS me to be strong and courageous; who does that? A person who believes in another's capacity.

This person is the kind of guy who has a heart attack and waits four days to go to the hospital because he has obligations to fulfill. (Not his smartest move, but it just proves we are all human.) If you are like my friend, your Superpower is the capacity to have a strong vision of the big picture, and the energy to help that big picture become reality. These folks have a natural ability to see, communicate, and mobilize others to act to achieve goals and accomplish important work.

Could this be you? Can you think of others in your life who have this capacity and inspire you?

The Rise and Fall of Mike

It was early on in our recovery journey as a community where our fantasies turned to dust. Or at least mind did. I was baptizing this guy named Mike. He had been with us awhile, coming in early each Sunday morning to angrily set up chairs. Then he's sit in one and glare at the practicing musicians. He wasn't a fan of the music, he wanted to get to the meeting part of Sunday. Eventually he decided that he wanted to get baptized.

This took awhile to figure out. Our pilot project start up had not considered that anyone would show up and attend it, much less stick around long enough to ask to be baptized. We figured it out. I cannot remember now if he was in the first group of people who were baptized in the borrowed baptismal font in the sanctuary of our home church or if his was later, in the river. But what I do remember is what happened as he rose out of the water and slicked his hair out of his eyes.

"I can feel it. This is what I needed. This is the thing that is going to change everything for me." He declared this with conviction and shivers ran up my spine.

Look, I love miracles. I believe in miracles. I am scared to death of presumption and magical thinking. I've lost track of the timeline but I do not think he survived the year. The disease took him and I do not think this is at all what he had in mind when he rose up from those waters, cleansed and renewed, my brother in Christ.

Paul says something like this in Romans 6:3, "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" Yes. Yes. I know this. But I forget.

Jesus lived without illusion. This is our work too.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

Romans 6:4

Mike rose out of those waters and into a new life. It turned out it was not quite what he hoped for but it pleased God to give it to him anyway. I was hoping for longer for Mike - a miracle. I'm learning that faith does not guarantee miracles for us to have a renewed life but it will ask us to live without illusion and no small measure of courage.

Showing Up as an Act of Courage

Dr. Willimon challenges us in his body of work and his life to accept the offer of living out our calling in all the roles in our life. This calling has certain parameters, based on who did the calling. I believe that my calling comes from God - an external agent, someone who tapped me on my shoulder and I responded, "Yes. I will follow you." Now, it can be argued that I had no clue what this would entail. Fair enough. But still, I made a commitment. I also dream. I mean literally. I have dreams. Some of them, once in a great while, feel like God's hand on my shoulder. Once I had that experience, whether or not I enjoyed my purposeful life every day became a moot point. Now this is a freaky story, and it is ok if you don't believe it. I really don't need you to believe it because I know it is as real and true as sacred as the feeling that comes when I eat peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. Heavenly! But this is a freaky story warning.

For the last four and a half years I have been in an enormously powerful estranged relationship with someone I love. He's disappointed in me. I've continued to wrestle with how I feel about him. Until last night. I had a dream. In the dream, Pete, the kids and I were packing to sneak away from what I perceived was a dangerous situation involving this person. I have this thought in my head that we have to escape on the sly because our life is in peril. In the dream this person who I am estranged from in real life tells me that he has been fired from his job and his "sketchy" behavior has been all about trying to protect me from this knowledge. So maybe he is not dangerous, maybe I misread the scenario - I think in my dream.

I go over to comfort him. I pull him into my arms, I rub and pat his back, and I tell him, "Do not let people who cannot see your worth put a price on your value." He weeps. I hold.

And then I add..."We have to pack up and go home now. I cannot be here anymore. I do not know if you, who cannot see your own worth, have the capacity to see mine. I do not know if you can reflect back to me my value. I am going not because I do not love you; I have to leave because I cannot be courageous and live my own life in a meaningful way unless I am surrounded by people who value me." And then I woke up.

I understood. I was given from an outside source (I think it was God's Spirit) clarity for what has haunted me for four and a half years. Part of this estrangement has been about safety for me. And I always wondered - why do you feel so unsafe that you have to hide? I have my reasons but I think today I see it through another lens of knowing. I do not have to hide; I have to choose. I have to be courageous and faithful. I have to move towards something - my life as a person of faith. I must practice it. I must practice what I believe which is that we are all inherently worthy and that our value is not dependent on others' assessment of us. We are not a house that requires a yearly tax based on how much we could be sold for in the marketplace. If I believe that FOR others, I must also require it for myself as a condition of connection.

I have experienced the external sense of determination Willimon speaks of - there are moments when God puts his hand on our shoulder and leads us beside quiet waters, he refreshes our souls, he guides us along the right paths. It may be a quiet nudge in a dream; it may be a moment of clarity; it may be a sense of calling; it may eventually lead to a meaningful life. But our God is a God who can work with what we bring to him. And so, I have to ask, what kind of fool would I be to not heed his call?

The Courageousness of Resilience

Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story? Mountains do not rise without earthquakes.

Katherine Mackenett

We’ve all heard the age old saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s wrong. Stuff that “doesn’t kill us” is survivable, but often barely. The statistics are clear even before the pandemic - our nation is suffering from a crisis of epic proportions not related to Covid - mental health and substance use disorders are rampant. Today, their toll is almost incalculable. I often wonder if we all would fare better in this time of unrest and sickness if we were more resilient people BEFORE this crisis.

I love a good storyline that involves humans rising above adversity to become...awesome, successful, amazing humans. But this plot line is more Disney movie than real life. Adversity reveals vulnerabilities and often results in anxiety and depressive disorders, substance use and abuse, inability to connect with others, failed marriages, and more.

It might be healthy and helpful to take a pause and re-evaluate. Maybe you, like me, have not taken a good look in the mirror lately. Maybe the stories we tell from our childhoods are not just wild and crazy memories to laugh over. What if they are having a negative affect on our life?

Resiliency is not the equivalent of being tough. Resiliency is the capacity to bounce back from suffering. It requires acknowledging suffering for what it is and taking actions to HEAL from the wounds that the suffering inflicted. This is a courageous but different way of thinking about strength. We need to have more conversations about how to build resilience.

Have you been strong for so long that you are worn out? Do you need permission to rest your weary body and soul? Permission granted!

Day 29: Blessings Come in Many Forms...

“My cup brims with blessing…”

Psalm 23

I do not know the answer to most of the questions people often ask me. I do not know why bad things happen to good people. I have only a rudimentary understanding of why the Old Testament has a lot of fighting stories in a timeline that promises the coming of the Prince of Peace. But I believe that spiritually awake people can relate to Psalm 23, when David says, “My cup brims with blessing…” The scriptures describe blessings in various ways, including: we were once in darkness, and now we are children of the light. Once we were lost, and now we are found. Once we were separated from God, and now we live in communion with Him. What a bunch of blessings! What else does it mean and how does this apply to our lives?

Is a blessing getting our way, getting what we “want,” sitting on a balcony at a beach, or running on a trail through farmland at Virginia Tech? Is a blessing browsing through a great music store and then finding the perfect afternoon snack on The Corner at UVA? Is a blessing found in a good book, a cup of hot chocolate, a cozy fire, and an overstuffed chair? Is it a blessing spending the weekend with great friends and beating your husband at bridge? Is it kayaking? Is it that beautiful moment when your children are all fully engaged in a conversation that has everyone in stitches? All these things I love; are they my blessings?

“My cup brims with blessing…” Is a traumatic life event in childhood a blessing? Is having your boyfriend break up with you—after finding a replacement—a blessing? Is an eating disorder a blessing? Is having someone you love suffer from the horrors of addiction a blessing? Is financial loss a blessing? Is chronic illness a blessing? I have completely lost my ability to label life events in the “seen” world as “blessing” or “curse.” Some of my greatest hurts have turned out to be my all-time greatest blessings. And although I enjoy sitting and running and browsing and snacking and reading and great friends and winning and kayaking and laughing—and feel incredibly blessed to have these precious things in my life—I am not so sure that some of the things I’ve cursed in life aren’t also blessings. I think David is reminding us of this truth when he weaves us through green pastures, quiet waters, paths of righteousness, valleys of the shadow of death, evil, comfort, dinner with our enemies, and the hospitality of head anointing. David believes. David believes that a plan in the unseen world often leads to strange and mysterious twists and turns in the “seen” world. May God give you a delight in the roller-coaster ride of life; may He equip you with “God-vision goggles” so that you have a vision for more than what can merely be seen. May He give you peace in the process and the courage and stamina necessary to be the Prince or Princess Warrior that He has created you to become, so that you can carry that message of hope - especially in this seemingly hard-to-find-hope times.