The Restoring Powers of Active Rest!

Active rest is working one function of our humanity while resting other parts. One of my daily breaks is practicing my piano. I'm working my musically inclined part of my brain but my abs are resting comfortably in a soft, cushy puddle around my waist. I try to do at least one house chore a day during a break - fold clothes, clean the bathrooms, something so that my house is reasonably straight at all times. I exercise in one slot. My brain is on complete auto-pilot but those glutes and abs are fighting it out with gusto.

I also sleep. Although at the deepest point in my depression sleep was fitful, it certainly has taught me to appreciate a good night's rest.

Our brain works hard while we sleep; our body restores itself while we sleep; our memories consolidate and new information is integrated into our computer of a brain. I am often grabbing a notebook and pen in the middle of the night when awakened with a sudden thought, idea or insight. If I don't write it down, it's gone by first light.

Relationships are harmed when we are not rested. Anxiety and depression correlate with sleep deprivation. If you're sleeping a ton and still feel unrested, get it check out. You could have sleep apnea or other health problems. Sleep matters; treasure it!

How are you at active resting? Any tweaks you can make to improve your daily life?

Checking Your Core Values

When we try to use our core values to make decisions, we need to be very, very careful and proceed with caution. Why? Because often we are wrong. Some of you remember when a parent was whipping you with a belt (or switch or lead pipe) hearing your parent say, "I am doing this for your own good and because I love you." Maybe parental units were once taught that spanking a kid was good for them - that's not considered great parenting today.

I am particularly fond of all those meme's on Facebook that say something like, "I walked four miles uphill in the snow both ways to school and look how great I turned out." Or the ever popular, "My parents beat me with a paddle, gave me beer to put hair on my chest, and cured my bronchitis with whiskey and honey and look how great I turned out." And we wonder: why do so many of us struggle with substance abuse, anxiety and depression? Are we all really turning out "so great"?

This fits under the category of potential attribution errors. Attribution errors occur when we attribute behavior to external situational factors outside our control. Typically we tend to overemphasize negative motives to people we do not like and positive motives to those we do like. If we do not want to actually wrestle with the effect certain aspects of our childhood had on us, or if we want to blame our childhood for all our problems, we will "attribute" certain memories according to what suits our bias.

We do this with our own core values too. Sometimes we attribute our behavior to self-care when we are actually being selfish. Or we say we are taking a particular action because we love someone when in fact we are judging them.

Here's a suggestion: we should take responsibility for our lives without excuse. When we make a decision, we do not have to explain it or justify it - we take responsibility for it. We own the decision. We do not excuse it in any way. Some of you may be wondering - what? Wait a minute! I was not responsible for what happened to me!!! What the heck do you mean? Tomorrow, I'll do some explaining of my own.

What’s Next?

Last night we went out to the courts and played tennis. It was fun! Our rallies were longer, our score less lopsided in Pete's favor. We realize that that old saying about "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is oh, so true.

The pandemic locked us up and closed us in. Reports of post-pandemic anxiety disorders and depression are everywhere! Many of us did NOT do an amazing backyard renovation project that we revealed on Instagram. Most of us never got around to cleaning our all our closets or learned about Maria Kondo folding techniques. We're a bit like circus animals who are so conditioned to a small confined space that they never even try to escape - even though escape would be easy!

Listen - we've busted out and we've come back to tell you the truth - so can you! Get out of the routine, mundane, nothing's gonna change mindset! Find your way back to new adventures. Play more! It's perfectly reasonable to acknowledge the impact that the pandemic has had on the world - but I ask you: What are you going to take responsibility for as a result? What are you going to do to change you? How will you change your relationship with anxiety and fear? The world is not our responsibility, although we can be responsible members of our community.

But what is our responsibility is ourselves. What are you going to do next?

A Few Facts About PTSD…

“Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds.”

Knowledge about PTSD is relatively rare and studies are limited. Here are a few facts:

* PTSD is considered an anxiety disorder

* Symptoms are normal and healing is possible.

* Simple trauma from a single event is one possible way to develop PTSD, but it can also be the result of the steady drip drip drip of years of living with negligence or abuse. One reason some folks to not think about PTSD is because they cannot identify “trauma”, especially if theirs was more of a steady stream of uncaring rather than a big event.

* Secrecy is a deterrent to treatment. Shame or fear may cause us to remain silent about our suffering.

* Victims feel out of control after exposure to trauma, this leaves some of us feeling helpless and therefore we do not tell others or ask for help.

* PTSD is our mind and body’s attempt to survive. A little compassion for ourselves is helpful for healing. We are all doing the best we can.

* Our attempts to survive may be misguided, which is why we need support and the experience of others to help us heal and get back to thriving.

How does PTSD feel?

* Helplessness and unable to take initiative

* Shame, guilt, self-blame, self-harm

* Sense of feeling damaged

* Distorted relationship with perpetrator (idealizing them, feeling as if they have all the power, accepting their ideas and beliefs, feeling that “fate” brought you together)

* Despair, loss of faith, giving up on any kind of future

* Vulnerability to revictimization, isolation, distrust, conflict and secrets

* Sleep problems, excessive health problems, eating issues, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts and attempts, difficulty with depression and anxiety, explosive anger, sexual acting out, destructive coping strategies

* Memory problem, dissociation, reliving experiences through flashbacks, nightmares, rumination

* Depression, eating disorders, panic disorder and other anxiety disorders, personality disorder

If you are experiencing symptoms of PTSD, please reach out for help. Help is available; recovery is possible.

Be compassionate with yourself; your mind and body are doing the best they can!

The Courageousness of Resilience

Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story? Mountains do not rise without earthquakes.

Katherine Mackenett

We’ve all heard the age old saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s wrong. Stuff that “doesn’t kill us” is survivable, but often barely. The statistics are clear even before the pandemic - our nation is suffering from a crisis of epic proportions not related to Covid - mental health and substance use disorders are rampant. Today, their toll is almost incalculable. I often wonder if we all would fare better in this time of unrest and sickness if we were more resilient people BEFORE this crisis.

I love a good storyline that involves humans rising above adversity to become...awesome, successful, amazing humans. But this plot line is more Disney movie than real life. Adversity reveals vulnerabilities and often results in anxiety and depressive disorders, substance use and abuse, inability to connect with others, failed marriages, and more.

It might be healthy and helpful to take a pause and re-evaluate. Maybe you, like me, have not taken a good look in the mirror lately. Maybe the stories we tell from our childhoods are not just wild and crazy memories to laugh over. What if they are having a negative affect on our life?

Resiliency is not the equivalent of being tough. Resiliency is the capacity to bounce back from suffering. It requires acknowledging suffering for what it is and taking actions to HEAL from the wounds that the suffering inflicted. This is a courageous but different way of thinking about strength. We need to have more conversations about how to build resilience.

Have you been strong for so long that you are worn out? Do you need permission to rest your weary body and soul? Permission granted!