Cheer With Your Friends

In a dog-eat-dog world, everyone fights for the table scraps. This is not a new thing; this is not an example of American capitalism run amok. It is actually quite ancient, a deep commitment by the inner reaches of our brain to keep us safe and. help the species survive. Our longest running skill sets stem from our competitive need to survive and compete for resources.

This instinct translates inappropriately (not at all beneficially) to all sorts of ways we categorize and complete with an us versus them mentality. We compete in every area of our lives instinctively. You are either a Cowboys fan or a Washington fan. You cheer for UVA or Tech - no exceptions allowed.

Jesus said something different, if I might paraphrase. He said, if you're friend loves the Cowboys, cheer with your friend. If you friend loves UVA, cheer with your friend. And vice versa. When the Cowboys play Washington, or UVA plays Tech, maybe do not tempt yourself by watching the game together. But whoever loses? Text your friend at the end and say, "Nice game." (We make these concessions because we are human and everyone has their limits.). Man, we struggle to do this, right?! How the HECK are we ever going to reconcile this both/and kind of vision Jesus had when it comes to dealing with political and religious differences if it is almost impossible to do so in the sports arena?

Well, I'd like to suggest that we practice suffering. Not because we need to be punished or make a wrong right, but because suffering, it seems, will be necessary if we are going to run this place the way God wants us to. Now, this is not easy. There are not many examples for us to follow. But there is Jesus.

Tomorrow we will talk more about Jesus as a good man and not so good a god (again, this is a Barbara Brown Taylor thought). For now, what if you were willing to apply the above example in your daily life? I'd love to know what that experience is like for you if you dare try it!

What is Beneficial?

In a recent weekend message, Scott (co-pastor at Northstar Community and my son too) asked us to think about, without ruminating, on this idea that we are following a long line of people throughout history who have wrestled with conflicts due to political differences, religious beliefs and even eating habits!

Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.

1 Corinthians 6:12 The Message

He reminded us that we are free but there are bumper pads (like the ones for bowlers who cannot bowl), limitations to our freedom, for those seeking to be a person of faith. One of those bumpers involves asking the question, "Is this beneficial?" or to quote Eugene Peterson "spiritually appropriate." I wonder: who benefits? Who decides what is spiritually appropriate?

That's a big question. Who benefits? What is beneficial? You will notice in Corinthians - everyone thought what they were believing was righteous, good, and many felt differently on the same subject. They could not get consensus. So this is a big question: What does beneficial look like? I cannot answer this question with any degree of satisfaction, but I do know one thing, and I want to wrestle with that one thing a bit tomorrow.

For today, I ask you: what would happen if we all started asking ourselves daily - is this choice spiritually appropriate?

Family and Faith

In a very public Father's Day letter published in the New York Times Anna Quindlen once wrote, "We might as well have a universal support group: Adult Children of Parents." The gist of the letter was a bit of a commentary on the challenge every child faces: to wake up to the reality that they are individuals, not extensions of their parental units. Most of us do not have to hate our family to differentiate ourselves from them. But sometimes our families do hate us when we try.

Jesus knew this. In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus speaks of the gut-wrenching work of choosing for ourselves who we want to become. He compares and contrasts those who follow Jesus and those who don't - including a controversial passage that says that if we love our families more than Jesus we are unworthy. I suspect that Jesus and Anna Quindlen were making similar points. All families are complex webs of interconnection. From the smallest details (Duke's or Hellmann's?) to larger issues like politics, our family beliefs, customs and idiosyncratic ways are engrained in us. This is not a good versus bad thing; it is a complicated dance toward maturity and choosing for ourselves how we want to create the next generation of 'family.'

Following Jesus was a sure fire way to get you scratched from the holiday party back in the day. This idea of 'hating' your mother and father was not Jesus' idea; it was the reality for anyone who chose to follow Jesus at that time. Today, we understand this, right? How many families do you know that have survived unscathed their voting records in 2016 or their various positions on the Black Lives Matter movement?

Jesus is not trying to break people up. What he is saying is this: love me best. And, if that is true, then he promises us this: no matter the ups and downs of our relationships and life as a result of choosing him - whatever we lose for his sake, God will breathe new life into. We will lose if we love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength because it will require us to jettison old habitual ways of believing, thinking and being. People won't like that. But God will love us and continue to breathe on our dry, dead bones.

Finding the Right People (pt. 2)

Let’s talk about our differences.

What does it look like to have a fixed mindset (see Carol Dweck’s work on this for more information)?

Carol says that a fixed mindset can be described as follows:

* We avoid challenges. This is not to be confused with feeling challenged. The more we avoid challenges, the less we may be able to tolerate normal life situations. I thought I was working out at a challenging pace until I started a new program that was actually challenging. There’s a difference between not feeling up to a challenge and trying it anyway just to see what happens.

* We give up easily. There are always a million reasons to quit stuff. But if we are in a growth mindset, growth challenges require that we lean into them - pretty much guaranteeing that we might feel like quitting every day.

* We have a set of talents and abilities but they remain stagnant. We do not get better or worse, we do not learn new abilities or discover hidden talents. Fortunately I have friends who have become artists later in life and this helps jumpstart my own inclinations to stay in my lane. There are so many, many reasons to not get into the habit of stagnation.

* We focus on outcomes. This is a serious killer of innovation and awe. Outcomes are one tiny little data point.

* We feel jealous or uneasy when others succeed. What a great warning flag! I find that people who embrace growing tend to enjoy watching others grow too.

* We cannot tolerate information about our errors and so we avoid “seeing” our errors. This is seriously uncool. The errors are still real, even if we ignore them.

* We ignore negative feedback even it could be helpful for us to hear. One caveat: do NOT fall into the trap of taking feedback from just any Tom, Dick or Harriett. DO embrace feedback from folks who have proven themselves to be supportive and are the kind of people you want to grow up to become. Chances are, they know what feedback is actually helpful.

* We go out of our way to avoid the possibility of failure. Once we stop thinking about failure as a bad thing, failure can become quite an adventure.

* We seek others who can reinforce our ego, which is pretty much the opposite of building our capacity for resilience. There is a distinctive line between people who are supportive versus people who are cloying. I find it far more helpful to have people in my life who support my right to be human than those who feed my ego but trash talk me behind my back.

This list is pretty obvious but I find that I often miss the obvious. Does this list feel familiar to you? Is there one item you want to address and change your own approach to?