Have You Had Enough?

“Sometimes you have to realize that you’ve HAD enough to realize that you ARE enough.”

Mandy Hale

Learning to love ourselves is not simply getting better at giving ourselves a pat on the head and a snuggly hug. Love is a verb. Love. Love yourself. This can be quite challenging. When am I loving myself versus when am I acting selfishly? Am I loving myself or being self-indulgent? What about when it feels like my world is falling apart - how do I love myself when I am afraid I am the one whose hands are causing the destruction?

I find this spacious middle ground where I can wait for something to shift in my understanding and gain discernment when I remember that it is God’s way to improve things. Psalm 130 teaches us just that. It allows for the reality that God is up to something important and although he is super patient (usually good news for us) with a timeline that does not always align with our preferences, we as his followers can trust this is true. Whether or not we align ourselves with his intentions is our choice. But as we make these choices to follow or not, it might help to remember that this is GOD we’re talking about.

God, for whatever reason, has chosen mere mortals to participate in his work. This is our choice. It does not necessarily make life easier; in fact, I find it quite challenging. But I consider the other options and return to Him over and over again.

One of the best preachers I ever heard was James Pardue. He pastored our church faithfully and well for many years when Pete and I were raising our young children. He was a gifted teacher and spiritual guide of enormous integrity. I remember him telling me a story about a young person asking him if he was sure God existed. And, God bless him, he told the truth. He replied that he was not sure of much of anything. BUT, he added, it seemed to him that from the best he could tell, if God was real, he was headed in the right direction and he, Jim Pardue, thought it best to follow.

I could not believe his candor. He had doubts! But as best he could tell, God’s intentions were for good and not evil. He concluded with a quote I wrote in my bible and offer to you now, “I have decided that I prefer the life of a follower than the life of a salmon.”

This quiet, committed man knew he did not want to spend his life swimming against the current of God’s love, grace and mercy. Sometimes, we wake up and realize that we have been swimming against the tide of God’s love, grace and mercy for all.

Have you had enough? Are you ready to accept that you are enough? You are inherently worthy and flawed, fully human, chosen by God to improve the world in the way that suits the nature of God.

Today Will Pass...

Bravery is acknowledging your fear and doing it anyway.

Cheryl Strayed

In a recent meeting I attended a very smart psychiatrist gave a great presentation on the topic of neuro-feedback. He had graphs and a powerpoint; it was awesome. We asked him to share during our Family Education Program about the latest research in this field as it relates to treatment of substance use disorder and other mental health challenges. He believes in this practice and has years of experience. It was both a humble and informed conversation.

At the end, one of the parents said, “Do you think this would be helpful for my child?” He replied, “Well, maybe. It’s expensive and time consuming. You could try this, or she could practice mindfulness and meditation.”

I’m not sure if he meant that the two were equivalent. But he clearly believed that some of the benefits of his skill are mimicked by the practice of mindfulness and meditation - which, for the record is free and accessible to all. Heck, you can research it on google or youtube if you want to know what that entails.

Sometimes it takes practice of sitting quietly, alone with ourselves, to become aware of our thoughts and feelings and motivations behind our actions. I personally consider this a way that I daily give homage to God. It is my small, humbling way of admitting that He is God and I am not. No distractions. Just me sitting at the feet of a big God.

I appreciate the value and right we have in this country to share our opinions and even peacefully protest as a way of expressing our beliefs. But I want to suggest to us that equally important is a deep dive in search of clarity about the “why” underneath the “what” and “how”. And our “why” cannot be found in busy “behaving” or even passionate believing. It isn’t found in doctrines and certainty. It is found, uncovered, laid bare, only when we are brutally honest with ourselves about our fears and insecurities, our doubts and prejudices, our wounds and our tendency to wound others.

So in this month of political upheaval and for many, personal crisis, I offer this simple prayer of protection:

The light of God surrounds me.

The love of God enfolds me.

The power of God protects me.

The presence of God watches over me.

Whenever I am God is, and all is well.

Amen

Feel protected, surrounded, enfolded, and watched over? Awesome, now pray this over the scariest, the meanest dude you disagree with and judge the most in the world.

One of the ways to unlock our habitual ways of thinking and seeing is through shock and awe. Either something amazing happens that gives us a glimpse of the majesty and splendor of our loving God, or perhaps something so scary that we are shocked into wakefulness about ourselves. Maybe we are given a medical diagnosis that scares us to death or someone we love dies. Something happens that disrupts our unconscious ability to believe that we are immortal or that life is fair and understandable. Whatever it is, we end up completely shocked and find ourselves disoriented and confused.

I for one try to avoid discomfort and confusion at all costs. But I have learned, recently, that discomfort and confusion are necessary companions if I want to live a meaningful life. Some days, I confess, I am not interested in meaning. I just want to enjoy a good hot chocolate beside a roaring fire and read a mediocre novel about a sad story that ends up all sunshine and rainbows.

But on days when that doesn’t happen, on most days, this kind of sugar rush and spiritual numbness is not fulfilling. So what’s a girl to do? If we are going to rise above our temptation to numb, ignore, or rationalize away the reality of life lived on life’s terms, how do we manage the pain and discombobulation that is inherent in such a life?

Here’s a quote that helps me:

This is not how your story ends. It’s simply where it takes a turn you didn’t expect.

Cheryl Strayed

I appreciate the discipline of knowing that today will pass. Shock inevitably gives way to other emotions, but eventually we find a new equilibrium. What I am suggesting is this - if we can find a way to calm our initial freak out over the shaking of our foundation with the knowledge that our journey continues and the world is not coming to an end, then we may be able to stay with the suffering long enough for it to do its work in us, rousing us to more maturity.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

James 1:2-4 The Message

It is a good thing to know our true colors. It is a requirement in order for us to not judge the true colors of everyone else.