A Good Friend

A good, true and loving friend is a person who can deal with your humanity. Each of us express our humanity in different ways; our expression of humanity appeals to some more than others. This does not make either party 'bad', nor 'better' if they happen to prefer one brand of human over another. Affinity is a necessary element of choosing one's friends - and it is our right to choose and I would suggest - our responsibility to do so wisely.

Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and - good-bye, friend!

Proverbs 17:9 The Message

Over the course of a lifetime, we test this out and the level of intimacy is adjusted between parties accordingly. These kind of adjustments can be handled better by understanding boundaries. Human foibles are normal and the better we are at dealing with them, the more likely we are to enjoy relationships.

This is NOT the same thing as putting up with behavior that is uncomfortable or disrespectful, undignified or hints at a relationship built on conditional regard. It is true, sometimes in certain ways we are all a bit 'too sensitive' but it is also true that sometimes people are not sensitive enough when it comes to managing a friendship. It cuts both ways.

This is where good conflict resolution skills are needed. It helps if we can learn how to have tough conversations about how we are feeling about an issue while maintaining mutual respect, dignity for all and unconditional positive regard. These three skills alone can go a long way in creating an environment where even the messiest of relationships can be managed.

My grandson is learning that his friend's preference to play with others on a particular day is not personal. How my grandson handles the situation may indeed impact whether or not future play dates are possible. It would be awesome if everyone had the skill sets to state boundaries clearly without making others guess. I believe this is too much to ask of a four year old - but what about us?

As you reflect on your own friendships, is there a conversation that might be necessary? A kindness that needs extending? A boundary that needs to be drawn more clearly? In all things - respect, dignity and unconditional positive regard. Those are the keys if we want to be fully human and decent beings.