Opening up to Faith

Spiritual gurus tell us that the true source of happiness is found when we experience the presence of God. They also report that we all lose the key to happiness along the way, which I suppose is another way of saying that we lose conscious contact with the God of our understanding (more on this in a future step). Many write about this spiritual malaise as a form of spiritual sleepiness. Some say it is a loss of God consciousness.

This fascinates me. I did not grow up in a religious home. My maternal grandparents were people of faith and I was blessed to have them expose me to religion during my summer visits. I attended children’s Sunday School classes and listened to weekly sermons that seemed way too long. Mostly I remember the crackers were stale but the grape juice was tasty. The church was unairconditioned and my legs stuck to the pews with the glue of sweat and left a pattern on my bare skin from the crinoline that often lined my Sunday-go-to-church outfit custom handmade by my grandmother - including hat, gloves and patent leather shoes. Uncomfortable? Yes. But I enjoyed both the ritual and the way it felt walking into church all dolled up.

My sporadic church exposure to faith in my grandparents’ conservative Southern Baptist Church was confusing for a number of reasons. Among the top contenders was learning that the reason for a string of Senior Pastors’ mysterious disappearance from the pulpit was not the result of a serial killer. I was eventually told about how each participated (in their own unique way) in a series of pastoral indiscretions which led to their firing, not their burial. That information left me wondering if anyone practiced what was preached.

As a pastor, I have heard many stories of spiritual abuse over the years. No wonder we lose our keys to happiness! It is easy to confuse the presence of God with our experiences with the people in our lives who claim to represent him. I know my community must struggle to find grace and mercy for me when my words do not match my behaviors.

If you have been wounded by spiritually abusive practices, consider the possibility that our exposure to religion is not representative of the God whose story is told through the scriptures. It is also possible that even the most well intended teacher has misinterpreted scripture. I invite you to take a fresh look at who God is and how he loves you. If you have experienced spiritual abuse, please talk to someone who can support your journey to healing.

When I kept it all inside,

My bones turned to powder,

My words became daylong groans.

The pressure never let up;

All the juices of my life dried up. Psalm 32:3-4

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Years ago a pastor in a large church called me to discuss his daughter’s substance use disorder.  He was very concerned that if his congregation found out about his kid’s “issues” it would negatively impact his ability to lead.  He quoted a passage of scripture that spoke to the requirements of a church leader,

“So the church’s supervisor must be without fault.  They should be faithful to their spouse, sober, modest and honest.  They should show hospitality and be skilled at teaching. They shouldn’t be addicted to alcohol or be a bully.  Instead, they should be gentle, peaceable, and not greedy. They should manage their own household well - they should see that their children are obedient with complete respect, because if they don’t know how to manage their own household, how can they take care of God’s church?”  

1 Timothy 3:2-5 CEB

His concerns were warranted.  It turns out that during his brief tenure at this church he had himself used this same passage to dismiss several deacons who served on the church’s deacon board.  He had been quite proud of his integrity on these situations. He had even spoken about his leadership style and these particularly tough calls at a pastor’s conference.  

Now he was having a crisis of faith.  Did he need to resign his position? Was his daughter’s substance use issue a reflection on his ability to manage his home?  He was also eaten up with guilt. One of the deacons dismissed from service was a guy whose own son had committed suicide related to his struggle with opiate addiction.  Why in the world, he mused, had he thought it was a good idea to kick a father when he was already down for the count? All good questions.

I didn’t know what to say to him so I asked for some time to pray and process.  Something was bugging me about the application of that scripture and I needed to consider the matter at length.  I also questioned whether I was his best source for information; my interest lay primarily with his daughter and family.  But the challenge of trying to figure out how that scripture might fit into this situation intrigued me and we both decided that I could at least take some time to see what I came up with for feedback.

My experience with faith is that when I am confused it is often the result of not understanding a spiritual principle (or three) that would help me sort out a confusing text.  I can only speak for myself, but as a general rule, God makes sense; he is not chaotic. He is also mysterious and let’s be fair - the scriptures are not the easiest of reads.

Have you ever found yourself in a position of having a personal crisis disrupt your own strongly held theological beliefs?  What did you do?