Positive Faith & Sin: Last One

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This conversation on how we talk about sin as people of faith comes down to this (for me): Are we creating more faithful people?

If the way we talk about sin and separation from God isn’t creating more faithful followers of God then we’re doing something wrong. Again, just my opinion.

I personally believe that if you beat people over the head with their “sinfulness” then they get defensive, feel ashamed, and enter survival mode (not in a good way). This isn’t helping people grow and blossom into people defined by their love, mercy, forgiveness, charity, and whatever else. It’s keeping people paralyzed by fear. And, largely, this is because people’s inability to live as who they’d like to be is not new information for them.

We do not need to slam people in the face with things they already know (and are ashamed of).

So, what do we do?

Fear of Positivity

There has long been, in the Christian world, a fear of positivity.

I can remember my friends in seminary bristling at the idea of presenting faith in a way that was positive and affirming, as opposed to combative and demanding. If people feel free and unashamed, so the thinking goes, they won’t live out of their values. They will simply pursue pleasure and become increasingly hedonistic (self-indulgent).

I sort of partially agreed with that. I never was too keen on the idea of intentionally shaming people into obedience, but I also carried some fears about “what might happen” if people feel “too free.”

This is an area where counseling has really helped grow and expand my faith. Carl Rogers (a seminary drop-out and a famous therapist who I’ve mentioned often in the past few years) believed the exact opposite to what I’ve described above. He believed that *people grow when they feel free* (not when they feel pressure to conform). And he spent his career quite successfully researching that.

Both in my role as a pastor as well as my new role as a counselor- I can say I believe he was quite right. When I find myself trying to steer someone in the direction I want them to go, they back off and double-down on whatever their problem area is in life (whether that’s drugs, sex, or whatever). When I’m more intentional about exploring what people want for themselves and removing my ideas from the picture, they tend to move towards thriving (which often means moving away from a self-indulgent type of life- which often means living “more faithfully”).

It’s often thought that positivity is just the realm of psychology and that it has little to do with faith. It’s also often thought that the Bible itself lacks positivity (and this is why we should shame people into faithful living- because this is the “biblical way.”) *Both of these ideas are wrong.*

Over the next few days, I’ll show you just how positive the Bible can be about faith. I’m hoping this will help us all embrace a new way of being and seeing that still has ancient and deeply rich theological roots.

When is Enough, Enough?

One of the questions I began to ask myself in the face of some pretty harsh conditions was this one: "How much more do I have to do before I've done enough?" This is a great question to ask when we are under a lot of stress, especially if we have wise companions to help us sort out our confusion. "Done enough," might best be understood as thinking about living out our core values and sacrificing for them. This is a good thing; but it can also be quite destructive. The gift of the pandemic and family suffering for me was coming to realize that I was doing the wrong stuff for the right reasons.

If my life and spiritual path and love for scientific data taught me that personal freedom and chocolate cake for breakfast leads to a fulfilling life, then I am quite sure my goals for myself would look different. I would have, perhaps, become a baker who refuses to work according to anyone else's schedule. But this is not what life and the pursuit of faithfulness has taught me. For me, what I happen to believe is that a meaningful life requires that we all find a way to connect to something larger than ourselves. I assume this will be hard and not always fun.

Years ago, I noticed how hard it was for people in recovery or in need of recovery to fit into some of the traditional environments for meaningful connection. I was in a position to participate in changing this dynamic and it felt like a worthy goal to me as a woman who grew up in a family that could have used this kind of community but never found one. I still believe and support this dream.

When I thought my work included helping others find a meaningful life and provide them the tools to accomplish it, I was a failure. And presumptuous too. But once I burned out, I realized that my success was not dependent on convincing others how to do hard things; my truest goal is to be present for people who are having a hard life. My desire is to continue to show up because it is who I am. This shift is seismic. I am not responsible for making it easy for people to be faithful; I am responsible for being a faithful person.

I cannot tell you how much added stress I have heaped on myself over the years because I had this misguided notion that somehow I was supposed to be helpful to people in this particular way. I have quit this life of hoping that if I try hard enough others will try hard too. I do not plan to return.

Suffering for Freedom

Jesus was not an ideal god - he suffered for things he did not do and was punished for loving too much. Our world is built on knowing who has the power and making sure we get some; Jesus turns that all upside down and says the last shall be first.

Terri and Tom C. are raising money for scholarships for the Threshold (a new venture for our little community); many of you have supported those efforts and have beautiful stained glass objects of art or gorgeous candle holders to prove it. All are beautiful. But what looked an awful lot like Jesus to me was the picture Terri posted in our NSC fb group - her fingers after all that working. Scratched and dented puts it mildly. Now look, Terri will not like me calling attention to this, so I may need to make her some brownies, but it is the best example I can imagine of what we've been talking about in the last few blogs. Terri loves doing her art, it's part of her giftedness and she loves this place and she likes to support it any way she can BUT she suffers too for the effort. Owen M. and the other drivers who staff the van to pick up our friends from The Healing Place, have to get up super early to do this job. I call out Owen in particular because he lives so far out on a piece of land that resembles a slice of heaven - his commute is epic. I could go on and on with the examples of the things so many of you do to serve and support our community. But it involves suffering. It's ok to acknowledge that - in fact, we should talk about it more so that suffering becomes an expectation, not something we all seek to avoid like the coronavirus.

I just want to say this to all of you who suffer for the benefit of another person - you're doing ok. The suffering is not a sign that something is wrong, it is an indication that something is right in a world that gets it wrong most of the time. You'll be a weirdo. Most people won't get you. But if you are suffering to benefit another, way to go. Jesus and those who follow him lose more than they win, but what they gain we cannot put a price on - a partnership with God, true freedom.

So we run this world our way...and for folks who want to be faithful to God's vision - we try to run it his way - in keeping with his vision. What do we need to change in order to do a better job of not just wanting to do it his way - but following through on that vision?

Showing Up as an Act of Courage

Dr. Willimon challenges us in his body of work and his life to accept the offer of living out our calling in all the roles in our life. This calling has certain parameters, based on who did the calling. I believe that my calling comes from God - an external agent, someone who tapped me on my shoulder and I responded, "Yes. I will follow you." Now, it can be argued that I had no clue what this would entail. Fair enough. But still, I made a commitment. I also dream. I mean literally. I have dreams. Some of them, once in a great while, feel like God's hand on my shoulder. Once I had that experience, whether or not I enjoyed my purposeful life every day became a moot point. Now this is a freaky story, and it is ok if you don't believe it. I really don't need you to believe it because I know it is as real and true as sacred as the feeling that comes when I eat peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. Heavenly! But this is a freaky story warning.

For the last four and a half years I have been in an enormously powerful estranged relationship with someone I love. He's disappointed in me. I've continued to wrestle with how I feel about him. Until last night. I had a dream. In the dream, Pete, the kids and I were packing to sneak away from what I perceived was a dangerous situation involving this person. I have this thought in my head that we have to escape on the sly because our life is in peril. In the dream this person who I am estranged from in real life tells me that he has been fired from his job and his "sketchy" behavior has been all about trying to protect me from this knowledge. So maybe he is not dangerous, maybe I misread the scenario - I think in my dream.

I go over to comfort him. I pull him into my arms, I rub and pat his back, and I tell him, "Do not let people who cannot see your worth put a price on your value." He weeps. I hold.

And then I add..."We have to pack up and go home now. I cannot be here anymore. I do not know if you, who cannot see your own worth, have the capacity to see mine. I do not know if you can reflect back to me my value. I am going not because I do not love you; I have to leave because I cannot be courageous and live my own life in a meaningful way unless I am surrounded by people who value me." And then I woke up.

I understood. I was given from an outside source (I think it was God's Spirit) clarity for what has haunted me for four and a half years. Part of this estrangement has been about safety for me. And I always wondered - why do you feel so unsafe that you have to hide? I have my reasons but I think today I see it through another lens of knowing. I do not have to hide; I have to choose. I have to be courageous and faithful. I have to move towards something - my life as a person of faith. I must practice it. I must practice what I believe which is that we are all inherently worthy and that our value is not dependent on others' assessment of us. We are not a house that requires a yearly tax based on how much we could be sold for in the marketplace. If I believe that FOR others, I must also require it for myself as a condition of connection.

I have experienced the external sense of determination Willimon speaks of - there are moments when God puts his hand on our shoulder and leads us beside quiet waters, he refreshes our souls, he guides us along the right paths. It may be a quiet nudge in a dream; it may be a moment of clarity; it may be a sense of calling; it may eventually lead to a meaningful life. But our God is a God who can work with what we bring to him. And so, I have to ask, what kind of fool would I be to not heed his call?