We’re Both Right, We May Both Be Wrong.

I appreciate Edith Eger's interpretation of a Jesus teaching that many of us struggle with. Here's her take: "This is what I think Jesus meant when he advised us to 'turn the other cheek.' When you turn the other cheek, you look at the same thing from a new perspective. You can't change the situation, you can't change someone else's mind, but you can look at reality differently. You can accept and integrate multiple points of view. This flexibility is our strength. (p. 108 The Gift)

I'm amazed at all the different perspectives that emerged in response to the coronavirus pandemic. People both opposed and supported mask wearing; people were grateful and dismissive of the vaccine; people praised and punished business closures/accommodations; people appreciated and berated various decisions made by government authorities and institutions.

Turn the other cheek. Look at the various perspectives. Listen to different media outlets and read different opinion pieces and we end up with wildly different conclusions. Eventually, we have to settle into a position. It could be right, wrong, or in-between. Turn the other cheek - look at the information others are receiving. Although it may not be a preferred source, even if we do not agree with it, turning the other cheek allows us to at least understand why we end up with so many different viewpoints.

Turn the other cheek. Do you, make your decisions, stand by them. But we don't have to treat others with disdain who are making different choices. At least appreciate how hard it is to make decisions in the midst of so much confusing and ever-changing data!

The pandemic is an extreme situation; it will be covered in the history books for years to come and our choices will be dissected and discussed. Some of the choices we made as individuals and a country and a world will look absolutely ridiculous as better information and research comes to light. But here is the thing that we can do well - turn the other cheek. Give one another grace. The only thing that will not stand the test of time well is our certainty, disdain, and lack of humility. The rest, I suspect our ancestors will maybe give us a pass on - especially if they continue to encounter baffling and difficult life circumstances themselves.

Flexibility

Another component of resilience is the capacity to be flexible.  This is also key for emotional adjustment and maturity. Rigidity is not good for us.  I understand this because I read a lot of true crime books and of course, binge watch Criminal Minds like it is a part time job.  The really psychopathic demons on those shows inevitably are compulsive neat freaks. I am not suggesting that excessively neat people are serial killers but extreme rigidity is problematic!  The capacity to be flexible in terms of how we think, what we do, and even our core beliefs create the strength within us to have more resilience than the guy who demands precision and a rigid routine as a lifestyle choice.

Don’t buy the serial killer idea?  Ok, I can be FLEXIBLE.

Did you know that research indicates that folks who have messy offices tend to be more creative and better problem solvers than someone whose desk is arranged with military precision?

The promises of AA and the program itself asks participants to dare to believe that their whole attitude and outlook on life will change.  They expect and validate the concept of service to others. They talk about giving away what you have in order to keep what you received (meaning the gift of sobriety) through sharing experiences, strength and hope. This is often in the form of “12 stepping” and it involves going to help fellow sufferers in their time of need.  This is difficult and usually inconvenient work. I have found that overdoses and rough landings on “bottoms” rarely occur during office hours. This requires massive amounts of flexibility but lest we forget, it holds the promise of a better life for those who practice this service work.

How is your flexibility?  Are you able to bend your preferences to a higher power?  Can you go with the flow? Or do others find you difficult?