Breathe. Rest. Relax.

“You’ll never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.”

Unknown

There is inherent danger in believing our own press releases. We all have a way of crafting our stories, don’t we? We have ways of seeing the world and the circumstances that have come to define our sense of self.

If your story is one of feeling “less than”, I have a suggestion. Consider choosing a new adventure. I see the fly in the anointment that may have you questioning this logic. You, me and by the way - everyone else on this planet - has lived in unworthy, “less than” ways. This is a fact. We do not always live in accordance with our own values and core beliefs.

But this does not invalidate our inherent worth. So what to do about our past mistakes? Own them. Own them fully but not exclusively. Account fully for shortcomings without ignoring the rest of the story - we were doing the best we could even if our best was not great.

How can we do that? Well, we could try noticing our defensive posturing - however that looks. Some of us are pretty defensive, others of us are straight up aggressive, others take on too much responsibility and blame themselves for everything! All of it is ignoring God’s value of inherent worth.

Inherent worth allows us to forgive and ask for forgiveness. It enables us to own our mistakes. It qualifies us to recognize the mistakes of others without having to judge them for their humanity.

When we are anxious about something, when we fear that God is not paying attention to us and if he is, he doesn’t like what he sees...we run to idols. This is the history of humanity. There is no need to expect that we will be the exception. But what we can do is recognize and pay attention to our tendency to fail to see the big picture.

God has us and he has got this - this whole wide world in his hands. Breathe. Rest. Relax.

Forgiveness: Insiders and Outsiders Part III

Is it demanding repayment to remove myself from relationship with someone?

Yesterday we talked about the challenge that some in our community have had processing the way this theory of forgiveness applies to their relationship with their abusive fathers. We said this: it is not demanding repayment to remove yourself from relationship if you are doing so because you've been injured, attempted forgiveness, and have repeatedly met strong resistance. That was the case for each of those people I had spoken to about their fathers.

Moving beyond that particular example, we may ask, when would it be demanding repayment to remove myself from a relationship? When would that be evidence of a lack of forgiveness?

It is, in part, a question of motivation.

Are you removing yourself from relationship in order to punish someone (not because the harm caused is too great to remain relationally close)? Are you removing yourself from relationship in order to inspire a change of behavior in the other person (and, again, not because the forgiveness process itself has broken down)?

It also depends, again, on the type of relationship. The limits Jesus puts on forgiveness (in community relationships) assumes we have tried to come to some understanding about the harm that was caused. If we haven't attempted to come to some kind of understanding then perhaps we're being hasty to withdraw.

If the relationship was an outside the community relationship, then things get a little complicated. Are we talking about a complete stranger? Are we talking about someone with whom you have negative history and baggage? Are we talking about an acquaintance with whom there is no particular baggage or trauma?

I'll unpack these questions tomorrow.

A prayer for your recovery journey

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than

To be comforted –

To understand, than to be understood –

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Amen

May you find a way to comfort, understand, love, set ego aside, and forgive today.  In so doing, may God grant you mercy.