Positive Faith in Scripture

“The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.”

John 10:10, CEB

All too often faith is treated more like death than life. What I mean is, faith is (in certain contexts) about all the things you’re not supposed to do. It’s about behavior management, conformity, keeping up appearances, and so on. So much attention is given to what you “should not” be doing that you become paralyzed and unable to answer the question: what “should” I be doing? Or, even better, what would I like to do?

This question often scares people of faith. We assume that what we would “like” to do with our lives must somehow be “wrong” and a sign that we’re not living according to God’s way of being. I would suggest the opposite: if we’re grounded in our certain way of seeing and, as much as we can reasonably expect to, prioritizing grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love, then our “wants” for our lives probably line up with God’s desires. This is the essence of living by the Spirit.

After all, Jesus did not come to offer a life where we’re constantly white-knuckling it, at war with ourselves and others, uncertain of what we want to pursue, and living in the shadow of our shame and our fears about who and what we are.

The questions have been answered: We are God’s beloved children: drawn in and accepted for who we are with the promise of becoming even more. And Jesus came to offer fullness of life: a life where we can, in freedom, pursue the things that create a sense of being completely and totally alive and in love with the world and all that God has created.

When is Enough, Enough?

One of the questions I began to ask myself in the face of some pretty harsh conditions was this one: "How much more do I have to do before I've done enough?" This is a great question to ask when we are under a lot of stress, especially if we have wise companions to help us sort out our confusion. "Done enough," might best be understood as thinking about living out our core values and sacrificing for them. This is a good thing; but it can also be quite destructive. The gift of the pandemic and family suffering for me was coming to realize that I was doing the wrong stuff for the right reasons.

If my life and spiritual path and love for scientific data taught me that personal freedom and chocolate cake for breakfast leads to a fulfilling life, then I am quite sure my goals for myself would look different. I would have, perhaps, become a baker who refuses to work according to anyone else's schedule. But this is not what life and the pursuit of faithfulness has taught me. For me, what I happen to believe is that a meaningful life requires that we all find a way to connect to something larger than ourselves. I assume this will be hard and not always fun.

Years ago, I noticed how hard it was for people in recovery or in need of recovery to fit into some of the traditional environments for meaningful connection. I was in a position to participate in changing this dynamic and it felt like a worthy goal to me as a woman who grew up in a family that could have used this kind of community but never found one. I still believe and support this dream.

When I thought my work included helping others find a meaningful life and provide them the tools to accomplish it, I was a failure. And presumptuous too. But once I burned out, I realized that my success was not dependent on convincing others how to do hard things; my truest goal is to be present for people who are having a hard life. My desire is to continue to show up because it is who I am. This shift is seismic. I am not responsible for making it easy for people to be faithful; I am responsible for being a faithful person.

I cannot tell you how much added stress I have heaped on myself over the years because I had this misguided notion that somehow I was supposed to be helpful to people in this particular way. I have quit this life of hoping that if I try hard enough others will try hard too. I do not plan to return.

How Do You Fill Your Soul?

"There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready be filled. You feel it, don't you?"

Rumi

I love quotes that are so beautiful it makes my heart swoon. But I am also a pragmatic person, and old. Really old. So I've been on the losing end of a sweet talker a time or two in my life, so I happen to believe swooning is over-rated. I can cause head injuries at my age.

I believe Rumi, and on those days - all 12 of them in my life - when I can feel my soul - it does long to be filled. But how does that happen? How do we fill our soul?

That's what we're going to talk about for awhile...but before we go there, breathe. Remember Rumi's words and know that you are inherently worthy because you are absolutely made in the image of God.

When Calling is Costly…

"Church forces us to march in and sing even when we are not in the singing mood. Church doesn't wait for you to have the proper motivation to worship in order to call you to worship. So many times you don't feel like being a pastor but still must act the part - in pain, over your head emotionally and theologically, not knowing how to publicly mark your own loss. You act like their pastor even when you don't want to...."

Dr. Will Willimon

Yes. This is true. It is also true for being a wife, mother, father, sister, brother, or a line cook. Maybe not everyone has to worry about the theology of their job, but everyone does have the opportunity to wrestle with how their life is lived out theologically.

So here's the thing. Stop and think for a second about this. When your beloved has a medical emergency, do you care if the EMT's who show up in the middle of the night to offer aid find personal satisfaction in their work or do you want them to be good at their job? When your car breaks down on the side of the road, do you want the AAA person to find her bliss in fixing your tire or charging your battery or do you want her to be competent and efficient? When you have to go into surgery, do you REALLY want your surgeon to NOT wear a mask for fear it violates her rights?

More from Willimon...

"The deceit of modern life is the role of individual and stripped role of individuality. There is no YOU there without the roles, the assignments, the relationships. This is a very unglamorous view of service."

I will paraphrase poorly, but this is important. Willimon suggests that to experience a sense of calling, determine to make service part of the requirement of living. And guess what? There is no requirement in a calling that it be meaningful to us before we do it. Calling is not about our fulfillment. It allows other people's lives to be enriched but it doesn't necessarily make our life better. (Can I get an amen?)

Calling costs. It's your choice whether or not to enter into the fray of it all but if you do choose a life of purpose and meaning don't expect it to be meaningful or make your heart go pitter pat all the damn time.

Our Calling May Feel Like a Cluster Cuss

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is an iconic figure. She dedicated her life to the marginalized people in India and died at the age of 87 with an unblemished record of selfless and tireless ministry in the name of her faith without a single scandal, sexual or otherwise, throughout her life of service. Now THAT'S saying something!

People revere her. But Mother Teresa herself was deeply troubled, even tormented about her faith and periods of doubt about God. In a collection of letters she wrote over 66 years ("Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light") we see a woman whose experience of her purpose was wildly different from our perception of her calling. And guess what? She never wanted any of us to know this about her. The Vatican did not accede to her wishes and destroy her letters, keeping them instead as potential relics of a saint. I bet she is spitting mad.

Here's an excerpt. "I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God - tender, personal love," she wrote to one advisor. "If you were (there), you would have said, 'What hypocrisy.' " Although I would not want to meet Mother Teresa on the other side of eternity if I had published those personal outpourings of suffering, I am grateful to have the opportunity to read them. They provide me some perspective when I think about my own life, when I doubt my own value, when I question my own calling.

Mother Teresa made service a requirement of living without asking it to make her happy. Like that awful parable that Jesus wrote about the hard and relentless life and times of a servant, I appreciate the perspective and how it might inform my own sense of calling.

Living a purposeful life does not require it to be meaningful but instructs: JUST DO IT. (Nike stole it from Jesus is how I'm seeing it from Dr. Willimon's perspective.) Maybe you, like me, are having a sad day, week, month or year. Maybe you are questioning yourself, wondering if you are a lazy pastor because you couldn't figure out how to create magnificent worship experiences in a parking lot of a commercial office park. Ok. Have a good cry. But then get off your ass and do the next right thing for the role into which you were called: spouse, parent of an addict, daughter of an alcoholic, lawyer, IT professional, and or - God bless your soul - pastor. Whatever role is assigned; just do it. If it were easy and glamorous and personally fulfilling, Mother Teresa would not have 66 years of intimate letters (written to trusted advisors who turned her stuff over to the Vatican) filled with doubt and dissatisfaction.