Love Saves Us

"If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life."

Pablo Neruda

In a beautiful photo book our son Scott created for us, filled to the brim with stunning photos of our grandchildren, there are also some amazing quotes on love. Neruda's is one of my favorites.

Life is hard.

My friend Kathy, like many others of late, has been living in the deep end of suffering. She has cancer and is going through rigorous treatment. She lost her hair. She also lost her dad. She's a pediatric oncology nurse - which sounds hard every day, and she's being doing it for decades. Hard times. Lots of suffering.

But one Sunday of late she chose to get baptized. And it was, by all accounts, glorious. Our community knows how to throw a baptism. There were banners (handmade with her favorite colors), butterflies (she loves butterflies), a gift table, food and a setting that was so beautiful, it could only be described as heavenly. I lost count, but she expected 5 people to show up and at one point I counted 40. She doesn't talk much in front of crowds, but that day? She spoke to her friends and family with a voice of conviction, hope and gratitude. I will never, ever, baptize anyone who is MORE grateful than Kathy.

Love saved her life. Love is saving our lives. Love saved the life of those who gathered for that holy experience. Nothing saves us from death...love saves us from life. Amen.

Accepting Acceptance

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

I suppose the most pressing question we have after the first 15 days is:  How do we stop trying to regain control in such destructive ways?

I am, obviously, not an expert.  I can only pass on some things I've been taught but haven't yet learned.  

The first step is always going to be finding ways to process and accept the various challenges life throws our way.  When we set things to the side and assume that time heals all wounds we will only find that time numbs pain, but it doesn't truly heal.  

Consequently, we need a support system for difficult times.  We need a support system that consists of multiple people.  For me and Brittany, the past two years have shown us that we need more support than we can find solely in the context of our marriage.  It's too much pressure on one person to be the sole source of support for another person.  Humans are not meant to function that way and, if they do, they are severely isolated.  We may convince ourselves we're not isolating because we have our spouse, or that best friend, or whoever, but we need more than that.  

If the wounds are large enough and deep enough we may need a skilled therapist.  If our wounds are spiritual in nature we may need to dialogue with (safe) pastor, priest, bishop, or whoever.  Sometimes friends and community are enough and sometimes we need specialists.  The point is, an isolated existence will not support our efforts to release control.  

Scott with grey hair’s (2021 Scott) critique of Scott without grey hair: 

I don’t think I talked enough about acceptance. Acceptance is such a key part of life. Let’s be clear- acceptance does not mean learning to enjoy, or even appreciate, hardship- it means learning to live with it. Learning to tolerate it. Learning to live with the fact that there are things that happen to us that we wish didn’t happen but that we also cannot change. 

What is it you struggle to accept? Do you think you could learn to tolerate it?