Seeking Solutions

“I believe that what we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it’s the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves. For that reason, regret can be the birthplace of empathy.”

Brene Brown

Brene has taught kazillions of her listeners that we are all doing the best we can. That may not be particularly effective or good, but she urges us to assume people are doing the best they can. This cuts down on judgment - which is always a good thing.

When Michelle showed up with her list of needs, the negotiation began in earnest but without fighting. Together, they decided the following:

1. They would get couple’s counseling to work through this issue. (The therapist eventually suggested individual therapy for Kevin and he agreed. It was received much better from an “expert” than if his wife had suggested it.)

2. Kevin would get sober curious. He chose to take a 30 day hiatus from all drinking and just see what happened.

3. They bought gym equipment for their house and began daily quarantine walks - which, it turns out - made it easier for them to open up with each other. Something they had been missing but had not realized.

4. Michelle agreed to not ask any questions about his drinking, his therapy or EVER mention that golf trip again.

5. And Kevin, God love him, went and made amends to his friends. The husbands and the wives.

As of this writing, Kevin is 120 days sober, has lost a few pounds, and is now pursuing a career change. It turns out that he wants to be a little less productive as a rainmaker and more present for his family. It’s not all perfect, but it is so much better than it was at the start of 2020. See? Not everything about this year is a bust, cause this family is thriving!

* Dare to dream. What solution do you seek? What is your problem to address?