Positive Faith and Sin

The dreaded “s” word. I can remember being in seminary and having conversations with others about wanting to present faith in a more positive light- only to have them quickly dismiss it and accuse me of being “soft” on sin. Being “soft” on sin was their way of saying, “You’re not taking it seriously enough.”

Now, I would say I take it very seriously. I would also say most people I know take their own sin very seriously. I do not believe the problem, when talking about positive faith and sin, is an issue of seriousness. I believe it’s an issue of what’s the most *helpful* way to address sin that actually *helps* people live out their certain way of seeing. Yes, I used the word help twice in one sentence, and this is because I believe how we handle sin in community is a matter of helpfulness.

What is going to produce lives that more fully reflect God’s love?

I’ve got plenty to say on the topic but, in short, I’ll say this: I don’t believe shame and condemnation brings the best out of people. When we don’t bring the best out of people, we’re unlikely to see people at their best (obvious). When we don’t see people at their best, we’re unlikely to see the depths of God’s love that they have to offer the world around them. And that’s what I’m interested in seeing: God’s love springing forth in each of your lives, radically and uncontrollably.

Too Much Positivity?

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Charles Darwin

If I can be a Debbie Downer, there are other influencers who look like they take massive doses of puppy uppers. They reframe every negative into a positive, which I am sure is much appreciated by anyone who has spent too much time with me. But too much positivity can keep us from considering real obstacles and taking them into account. If we want to be helpful, we do have to consider the possibility that Pollyanna was not always correct.

Could this be you? Does your positivity ever cause others to feel as if you are not paying attention to details?

What Has Not Worked...

Here is what has not worked. Someone suggested that although the concept is theoretically good we probably do not have the chops to execute it. Leave this kind of work up to the big boys, they suggest. You know, those with corporate chops or perhaps government funding. Stick to what you know. Preach. Visit the sick. Host some karaoke nights. After all, pastors are prone to some crazy notions about inclusivity and love that will hinder our capacity to be ruthless in our pursuit of success. And...in case I had not noticed, I am an old white woman and that certainly limits my value.

These statements are no less valid than the encouraging ones. I am old. I am white. I have boobs that once kept babies alive through the magic of lactation. I do want to succeed at this venture but it is a proven fact that I am not particularly ruthless. (Although I can have my moments and a little healthy respect for my capacity to burst into flames of righteous indignation should probably be considered before throwing gas on my fire.)

The problem all these true statements have in common is that they are not helpful. They do not inspire me or our team in any way. They offer no path forward for improvement. My son asked me how I felt about the feedback. I told him that it feels awful to be reminded of all the ways I am judged as “less than.” But I also told him that this was not new territory for me. BECAUSE I am old, I have the experience to know that I do have limitations that have resulted in epic fails or diminished opportunities. AND in spite of those limitations, sometimes crazy ideas turn out to be good ones.

In the spirit of vulnerability I need to say this. If we do not give up, if the coronavirus doesn’t stall our plans or wipe out our church, if we try this new thing - this conversation will not be part of my inspiration for doing a new hard thing. It only takes one little outside voice to awaken the inner voice of doubt and shame and never-good-enough that lives within me. Nevertheless, I will persist.

A Community of Lovingkindness...

When our house was wallopped by a hurricane THE SECOND TIME, it really got us good. It nailed all our vehicles, flattened our garage (leaving two walls and windows perfectly intact on the ground), and punched through our master bathroom leaving an easy exit from the second floor if you were Spider Man. Tons of people in our state faced similar situations.

But we had something that not everyone has: community. Our insurance agent Bugsy took Pete’s call and gave him great advice - which was to call our friend Steve. Our friend Steve called his friend the tree guy and we were the third person on his list. Word spread and soon the Norton family brought us a car to use, Myra brought us a cooler of water, someone grabbed our dead cellphones and recharged them. Pete’s mom offered Michael and his friend Ryan shelter from no technology so they would not miss whatever sporting event they were currently obsessing over. My brother offered to drive up from Atlanta with his chainsaw, which was sweet and just goes to show you had to be here to really grasp the magnitude of the size of that tree and the scope of the damage. Meals arrived and more help was provided; within a couple of days we were out of shock and on the road to restoration.

I am pretty sure every single human that helped us out had (and has) wildly different political perspectives and even religious convictions. But they showed up, each and every one of them, with their version of a tuna casserole. I am also quite sure I never got around to writing thank you notes. For that, I am sorry.

When I think back over the decades to the people who just keep showing up when I am in need, I find they have one thing in common. They are familiar with suffering. They have known grief.

Maybe, just maybe, if we sit and breathe and ask God to show us the way...maybe the losses and griefs and sufferings and setbacks that we are each experiencing during this unprecedented time in history can be used as fuel to inspire lovingkindness in us.

Why Congratulate Someone for Doing What They're Supposed to Do?

I have lived with this attitude for a long time. If someone is doing what they’re supposed to then they shouldn’t be rewarded. People should be rewarded for going above and beyond...not for meeting some recommended minimum...right???

As someone who does not receive affirmation well, the above mentality makes sense to me. But it’s not a super helpful way to think. People are motivated in different ways by different things. Some people will go above and beyond naturally. Some people will naturally coast. Some people will naturally underperform, so to speak. But, regardless, each of these people needs affirmation to keep going over the long haul.

If you want someone to keep doing a behavior that you appreciate, then affirm them. That sends a clear, strong signal that they are headed in a helpful direction.

For example, say you appreciate it when a friend checks in on you via text. Let them know that you appreciate it. If they know that what they’ve done means something to you then they are likely to repeat it. They repeat it because the affirmation lets them now that they are being helpful and people like knowing what to do in order to be helpful.

If we refuse to affirm people because they’re doing what they should be doing...then maybe consider that you should be affirming. [See what I did there? :-) ]

Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.

Ephesians 4:29