Humiliation Versus Humility

The first book I ever wrote was a personal disappointment. I was in a meeting with trusted advisors immediately following its release. They asked me about my experience with the project. I replied, “Well, you know I co-authored it and I really love what my teammate wrote but I dunno, I tried really hard but do not think I contributed much to the project. I am grateful to God for the opportunity, but I see no more of these projects in my future.”

One of my friends replied, “If you do not respect your abilities why should we?”

In his way, he was pointing out my lack of humility. I had a boatload of humiliation and self-doubt but no humility. There are a host of reasons why we might feel humiliated; all of them are unhelpful. Humility accepts what is, as it is. Humiliation is an emotion felt by a person who feels somehow….reduced.

Perhaps we believe that to simply acknowledge our own effort is lame. Shame and humiliation like to hang out together. It’s likely that if we are filled with shame we cannot accept ourselves so we most certainly would never think it appropriate to believe that we are worthy of acceptance or recognition. My unreasonable expectations for myself made it impossible for me to accept my best efforts without a need to denigrate them. This attitude practically begs the listener to reassure me, encourage me and deny my own fear of failure by providing me with positive words of affirmation. This is an unreasonable demand to place on others. A simple question about a project turns into a triggered moment that ultimately reveals an area where I have more recovery work to explore.

In the meeting rooms they have a saying that folks in recovery have a propensity for simultaneously experiencing: a feeling of grandiosity along with a debilitating inferiority complex. I can relate. Others call it “egomania with an inferiority complex”. However we label it, this is a problem the Seventh Step addresses.