Identity

In the previous study we wrestled with who we want to become, post dependency. Mutual aid societies like AA do not tell anyone what to value or who to become or even how to feel. Their work is to be supportive of people who want to get sober from the dependencies that entrance them.

The Big Book of AA warns us of resentment. The collective experience of the program has taught its members to be wary of resentment as it has resulted in many a relapse. AA does not pick favorites with emotions; the group observes the effects of resentment, for example, and warns those willing to listen that it is bad for recovery.

AA and other groups similar to them teach us to serve others without threatening us with expulsion if we do not. Again, the group declares the value of giving away that which we received freely from others BECAUSE these suggestions fit the core value of the group - getting and staying sober. Both admonitions against harboring resentment and suggestions for behaving this way or that, all spring from this one true thing: the mission is to help fellow sufferers get sober.

This is AA’s core value: sobriety. Everything they say, do, think, organize, and practice is aimed at helping people get sober.

The question we all must ask ourselves in order to do a proper inventory is: what are my core values and what thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs must I practice to live out those values?

Who Am I?

Suppose, for whatever reason, you are an excellent shoplifter. You practice often. Does that make you a thief?

This behavior has become your identity. Much like my friend the dentist, when asked who she is, will say, “I am a dentist.”, we usually think of our identity as being paired with our behaviors. My dentist friend is also a mom, daughter, master gardener and person in long term recovery.

Identities change. Identity is more than one thing. We can get a fake ID or even go into the witness protection program as a way to change our identity but these are low percentage options for transformation.

Change, transformation, usually happens slowly and unevenly over a long period of time.

One way to change is to participate in our own renovation and restoration. We are cooperating with God as he works to remove our shortcomings (selfishness, self-centeredness, fear, dishonesty) when we become willing to admit the awesome power of this one true thing: you can steal without becoming a thief.

You only become a thief if you never decide to stop stealing, refuse to admit that you have stolen in the past and refuse to make right your wrongs.

What identity are you ready to let go of? Who do you intend to become? What behaviors does he/she practice to live out that intention?