Finding the Right People (pt. 2)

Let’s talk about our differences.

What does it look like to have a fixed mindset (see Carol Dweck’s work on this for more information)?

Carol says that a fixed mindset can be described as follows:

* We avoid challenges. This is not to be confused with feeling challenged. The more we avoid challenges, the less we may be able to tolerate normal life situations. I thought I was working out at a challenging pace until I started a new program that was actually challenging. There’s a difference between not feeling up to a challenge and trying it anyway just to see what happens.

* We give up easily. There are always a million reasons to quit stuff. But if we are in a growth mindset, growth challenges require that we lean into them - pretty much guaranteeing that we might feel like quitting every day.

* We have a set of talents and abilities but they remain stagnant. We do not get better or worse, we do not learn new abilities or discover hidden talents. Fortunately I have friends who have become artists later in life and this helps jumpstart my own inclinations to stay in my lane. There are so many, many reasons to not get into the habit of stagnation.

* We focus on outcomes. This is a serious killer of innovation and awe. Outcomes are one tiny little data point.

* We feel jealous or uneasy when others succeed. What a great warning flag! I find that people who embrace growing tend to enjoy watching others grow too.

* We cannot tolerate information about our errors and so we avoid “seeing” our errors. This is seriously uncool. The errors are still real, even if we ignore them.

* We ignore negative feedback even it could be helpful for us to hear. One caveat: do NOT fall into the trap of taking feedback from just any Tom, Dick or Harriett. DO embrace feedback from folks who have proven themselves to be supportive and are the kind of people you want to grow up to become. Chances are, they know what feedback is actually helpful.

* We go out of our way to avoid the possibility of failure. Once we stop thinking about failure as a bad thing, failure can become quite an adventure.

* We seek others who can reinforce our ego, which is pretty much the opposite of building our capacity for resilience. There is a distinctive line between people who are supportive versus people who are cloying. I find it far more helpful to have people in my life who support my right to be human than those who feed my ego but trash talk me behind my back.

This list is pretty obvious but I find that I often miss the obvious. Does this list feel familiar to you? Is there one item you want to address and change your own approach to?