Learning to Assume the Best

It’s easy to assume the worst about people. Many of us do it naturally. Sometimes people have even taught us things about themselves- perhaps that they do not deserve the benefit of the doubt (so to speak). And while it’s important to learn from people’s past behavior, assuming the worst tends not to be the best option for finding and maintaining balance in our relationships.

Relationship problems are often the product of miscommunication. We struggle to say what we really mean and struggle to hear what another person is trying to communicate. This is because communication is a skill that needs to be learned, practiced, and honed. We do not become wonderful communicators without dedicated learning and practice.

Given that, it’s helpful to consider that our frustrations and resentments with another person may be the product of a miscommunication rather than on the other person’s desire to hurt us, or their selfishness, or their lack of consideration, or whatever other character defects they have because they aren’t as enlightened as us (joke).

Are there times where conflict is not the product of miscommunication? Of course. But I would place a bet that miscommunication is at the heart of a strong percentage of disagreements. It’s important, then, that we recognize that a lot of our conflict is not one person’s fault or another’s. It is just the natural fallout of our struggles to communicate well and clearly.

So maybe that person you’re in conflict with is not a horrible person. Maybe they aren’t that selfish. Maybe they want the best for you. If you can assume that might be the case, perhaps that will open up new and different communication possibilities in that relationship.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB