Accidents Happen

I, like my friend, and maybe like you, have grown up worrying about the reaction of other people to my choices. I have feared several things: disapproval, conflict, hurt feelings...but especially I have feared finding out that I might be wrong or bad. These things - wrong and bad - are kind of measurable. And the facts are in at my age - I'm not bad. I do some things poorly because I'm not Wonder Woman, but I am not bad. Most people are not bad even though many of us are afraid of being bad. Truly bad people NEVER think they are bad - so, if you worry about being bad - you can rest assured you are ok.

Now - being wrong is a different kettle of fish. We are all wrong a lot of the time. This is how we learn. My granddaughter confessed a wrongdoing recently to her Pops and me. We answered in unison, "Accidents happen." She replied, "I know you sillies." I hope we keep reminding our grandchildren in a million little ways that being wrong is human and brings opportunities that being right cannot provide.

We also want to teach them that decent humans understand that it is unreasonable to expect people to get along 100% of the time - again, a lesson I was slow arriving at. People with healthy skills are not afraid of conflict, arguments, or getting hurt. They accept these experiences as part and parcel of the human condition.

Healthy people do not need to care about or agree upon the exact same things. They care about the people they love - whether or not their views align, their hobbies mesh or they pull for the same sports teams. If different opinions causes a rift in the relationship that cannot be bridged, then the relationship may be built on the shaky foundation of the stuff Brené Brown calls, "shared enemy". More on that tomorrow.

Too Many Friends?

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

How could too many friends possibly cause us ruin? It's easier than one might think. Here's why. Friendship is hard; if you think you have a ton of friends, you might be misidentifying friendship; it is too hard to be a friend who is reliable and sticks closer than a brother to have but so many friends.

My grandson was telling me last night about his friend at school who he plays with all the time. Yesterday, this friend did not want to play with him. Does that make him an enemy? No! It gave me a chance to teach a toddler about boundaries. Afterwards, I considered how often it seems to me that we adults need to learn this stuff too.

Over the course of our lives we will have many opportunities to explore whether or not a person is a true, loving friend. Their (and our) limitations in the area of friendship is nothing anyone needs to judge. It's not always about whether or not someone is a 'good' or a 'bad' friend. More often, it is a question of discernment - is this person a friend to me? Do they have the capacity to stick closer than a brother? This is a high bar for me because my brother Bobby has set a high bar for my friends. I'm lucky that way.

The trick is to live in reality and not illusion. What does it look like to stick close? Tomorrow we'll explore that topic.

Buck Up

In 1999 my father told me that the world was going to come to a screeching halt as the calendar rolled over into 2000. He was prepared. He made lots of bullets and stored them in his basement along with a bunch of canned goods. Bullets would be the new currency and if we wanted to survive we could come live in his basement with the rest of the family. This was not the first time the world was supposed to collapse. I vaguely remember in fifth grade being told the world was running out of oxygen and we would all die like fish laying on a hot sunny dock. There were other examples but I think you get the point.

Since the pandemic hit, I've been hearing others talk about global warming, pestilences and plagues, economic collapse and political

unrest. Some of it is even true.

Again, I return to the scriptures for clarity. People have been predicting the world's end practically since its inception. Consider Luke 21. It happened like this. A bunch of people were standing around admiring the Temple and Jesus took the opportunity to tell them that it was all going to end up in a heap of rubble. Jesus continues to hold no illusions. The crowd wanted to know when this would happen. I can only presume that wanted to know how long they had to make bullets and buy canned green beans.

Instead of sharing the date of destruction, Jesus reframed the problem. He told them to watch out for "doomsday deceivers" (The Message translation). He told them not to fall for such foolishness and said this specifically, "When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end." Routine history. Scary and painful and confusing history.

Nonetheless - do this. Keep your head. Don't panic. Buck up. Seems like good advice for 2021. Funny and wonderful and miraculous how timeless Jesus' words are for us.

Jesus Has a Bad Day

I know we are not supposed to disagree with Jesus, so I won't. But this parable that I want to wrestle with is really not my favorite of his body of work. It is from Luke 17, and it goes like this: “Suppose one of you has a servant who comes in from plowing the field or tending the sheep. Would you take his coat, set the table, and say, ‘Sit down and eat’? Wouldn’t you be more likely to say, ‘Prepare dinner; change your clothes and wait table for me until I’ve finished my coffee; then go to the kitchen and have your supper’? Does the servant get special thanks for doing what’s expected of him? It’s the same with you. When you’ve done everything expected of you, be matter-of-fact and say, ‘The work is done. What we were told to do, we did.’”

I am not a fan of thinking about all the ways we have mistreated people by placing them in roles of slaves and servants. I'm a big fan of a world in which we all understand that "we are all bozos on the bus" - to quote my friend Dale Ryan. But Jesus did not use this parable to talk about inequality, he used it to show us the reality of the work set before us.

In Dr. Willimon's book Accidental Preacher, he makes it abundantly clear that much of what we think of as sacred calling is not glamorous. Nor should it be! I love this guy because he speaks what so many are afraid to say. In Kate Bowler's podcast Everything Happens she interviews Dr. Willimon (September 22, 2020 episode 23: Will Willimon: Your Work is a Calling). I am going to poorly paraphrase him so PLEASE go listen to the entire podcast! But here goes...

Dr. Willimon says, basically, that the deceit of modern life is believing that we can strip the roles from individuals for the sake of individuality. He continues to make his case by declaring that there is no YOU without the roles, assignments and relationships in your life.

In Jesus' parable, the servant knows his role and he fulfills it. Full stop end of sentence. This is so very unattractive to a culture who has hyped individuality and freedom to the detriment, I fear, of community care and service for service's sake. Tomorrow, I'll continue to unpack this, but for today - please do not skip the opportunity to ponder what this terrible, awful parable teaches.