The Courageousness of Resilience

Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story? Mountains do not rise without earthquakes.

Katherine Mackenett

We’ve all heard the age old saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s wrong. Stuff that “doesn’t kill us” is survivable, but often barely. The statistics are clear even before the pandemic - our nation is suffering from a crisis of epic proportions not related to Covid - mental health and substance use disorders are rampant. Today, their toll is almost incalculable. I often wonder if we all would fare better in this time of unrest and sickness if we were more resilient people BEFORE this crisis.

I love a good storyline that involves humans rising above adversity to become...awesome, successful, amazing humans. But this plot line is more Disney movie than real life. Adversity reveals vulnerabilities and often results in anxiety and depressive disorders, substance use and abuse, inability to connect with others, failed marriages, and more.

It might be healthy and helpful to take a pause and re-evaluate. Maybe you, like me, have not taken a good look in the mirror lately. Maybe the stories we tell from our childhoods are not just wild and crazy memories to laugh over. What if they are having a negative affect on our life?

Resiliency is not the equivalent of being tough. Resiliency is the capacity to bounce back from suffering. It requires acknowledging suffering for what it is and taking actions to HEAL from the wounds that the suffering inflicted. This is a courageous but different way of thinking about strength. We need to have more conversations about how to build resilience.

Have you been strong for so long that you are worn out? Do you need permission to rest your weary body and soul? Permission granted!