Positive Faith in Scripture: A God Who Comforts

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. There will be no mourning, crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4, CEB

God’s goal, his plan, in fact, is to move creation to a place where there will be no death, no pain. There will be no more need for sadness because creation itself will perfectly embody his compassion, patience, mercy, and love.

And, even so, he will wipe away the tears from the sadness that has come before. Because he is a comforter.

There will one day be a time where no future comfort is needed- but we all have pasts- and he is here for us, to heal us.

“All Therapy is Grief Work”

In Dr. Edith Eger's book, "The Gift", she sums up in one sentence why so many of us who need therapy resist getting it - "All therapy is grief work." She should know.

As a Holocaust survivor, Eger has worked with veterans, military personnel and victims of physical and mental trauma. She understands grief. But what is far more impressive to me is her candor about her reluctance to actually do the work of grief herself. Instead, she achieved and strived and tried to outrun her suffering. Thanks be to God that at some point she realized this: "I'm a prisoner and a victim when I minimize or deny my pain - and I'm a prisoner and a victim when I hold on to regret." (p.92, The Gift). According to Eger, we all share in the universal experience of life not turning out as we want or expect. "We suffer because we have something we don't want, or we want something we don't have." (also p. 92, The Gift)

In an effort to either support or deny Eger's claim, I did what I so often do, I turned to the scriptures to see what kind of examples I might find in the life of God's people over the ages. It did not take long, in fact, this was not even the first example of disappointment paired with added suffering.

Sarai, who was barren, came up with the absolutely brilliant idea (sarcasm, folks) to 'give' to Abram her slave Hagar as a surrogate for Sarai's child. (Use your imagination, there were no fertility clinics.) What could possibly go wrong here? Of course, Hagar became pregnant.

Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me." (Genesis 16:5 NIV)

Wait. Sarai came up with this scheme. Does anyone ask how Hagar feels about her master and his wife's plan? NOW Sarai has regrets. She wishes she could change the past. Her wish is much deeper and more heartfelt than just wishing Hagar's pregnancy would have no emotional effect on Hagar and thereby cause Sarai discomfort. Sarai wishes she herself could get pregnant and bear a bunch of babies with her husband.

Grief is not just about what happens to us; it is also about what does not happen. It's never easy to think about grief and loss but it won't get any easier avoiding it.

Today, ask yourself - in your grief, can you identify the ways you feel powerless over not just what happened but also what did not happen that you expected, longed for or dreamed about?

More on Suffering…

"Human suffering threatens all networks of meaning."

Bible Preaching on the Death of Jesus by William A. Beardslee et al.

Good old American know-how is a beautiful thing. But when we think our know-how should make us capable of out-running suffering, we are getting too big for our britches. As I alluded to in yesterday's blog, we need to be careful with how we define suffering.

We can turn pain into suffering if we are not careful. When I act as if a delayed shipment on a piece of eye candy furniture is a suffering, I'm perpetuating a myth. That is not suffering. But my whining and complaining causes me (and others who have to listen) suffering.

Simone Weil and others have written about their perspectives on suffering. Here is the gist of what I am learning from others, people who do not think waiting for a piece of furniture in a pandemic is a suffering because they actually know what suffering is all about.

Our faith does not and was not intended to alleviate suffering. There is not magic cure. There is no special way to believe that short circuits pain and suffering. According to Weil, our faith makes good use of our suffering.

She explains it something like this. Like Job, when we are able to continue to love God even when life is not good, that is a big deal. When we can love God in the midst of legitimate suffering - as a result of the limits of human living and its pain, grief, death and injustice for many - then we can turn our suffering into something that might benefit someone else.

I'm not suggesting we sign up for suffering. No, my friends, this is not necessary. Suffering will find us. But when it does, the question will be this, eventually, maybe years down the road: how does this suffering shape us? Are we more humane? Does our humanity reflect more the God who we have managed to love even when he does not meet our expectations and - gasp - demands?

A Glimmer of Light…

“We get to the beauty through the brutal. Not over or around or under but straight through. We do not ignore each other’s pain - we help carry it.”

Glennon Doyle

I used to think that the best way to manage pain was to super-spiritualize it. Be hopeful! Be positive! Remind myself of all those sayings I have heard all my life about God and suffering. Then I studied the scriptures. The dissonance was shocking. It gave me the same feeling as an ice cream headache.

I read the laments - full on works of suffering, grief, mourning and loss. The writer was going THROUGH pain. He (I assume) even had the temerity to question God about his suffering - much like Job. What’s going on here, I thought? The few “friends'' who tried to correct Job’s theology ultimately received the harshest critique from God - not Job!

I’ve got a lot of unlearning to do. I’ve worn deep ruts around tough topics, suffering, and grief. I’ve tried to tippy toe around them and not get caught in their sticky web. I’ve tried to comfort the comfortless. Why? Was I simply trying to relieve my own anxiety? Was I parroting others, assuming they must be right about the nature of loss?

Straight through. Like the psalmists; on we march. God with us. That truth is amazing enough right there. We need no fancy stories or justifications or blaming to deal with suffering.

God with us.

God with us.

God with us.

There it is; there is the glimmer of light in darkness.

The Price of Ignoring Your Pain

We add to our suffering when we try to ignore our pain. Our compulsions are ways we work to avoid noticing. Meditation helps us notice. If we practice it regularly, we learn that our pain will not kill us and even diminishes once we give it respectful attention.

Avoiding acknowledging our pain CAN kill us.

My “prayer” journals may have served the purpose of off-loading my angst. There is nothing wrong about that practice. When we admit our feelings we reduce resentment and soothe anxiety. Mediation helps us notice the things we are avoiding.

But it also increases conscious contact with God, which provides a light to our path.

Yesterday I stood from my meditation time and made my way to my iphone. I texted one of my children, “I need quality time with you.” I realized I had an incomplete amends to make. Today, we had a lovely lunch. My heart feels lighter. I am tempted to weigh myself (but will resist that urge).

Without my practice, I would not have had the space to notice my wrongdoing. I would not have had the awareness of how this pained me. But without my conscious contact with God, I doubt I would have known what to rise up and DO about it.

This is the gift of the Step 11 - a call to prayer and meditation, an invitation to draw near to God so that he might draw nearer to us. Go have a good sit, if you are so inclined!