Too Much Attention to Detail!?

"To be content means that you realize you contain what you seek."

Alan Cohen

Dr. Spock was a Star Trek super hero, know for his lack of emotionality and his vast capacity to hold vast stores of data and information between his two pointy ears. Since he was a movie character, this did not hold him back from being an influential part of the Star Trek team. But for the rest of us mere mortals, it is important to not only have expertise, it is also necessary to engage others and make relational connections. Influential people leverage their personal relationships. They pay attention not only to the data, but to the people to whom the data applies.

Could this be you? Are you sometimes too much in the weeds of the details and fail to notice the people in your life who may need your attention?

A Person Who Pays Attention…

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Maya Angelou

Who remembers how you like your coffee? Who reminds you of the best parts of yourself? Maybe someone whose super power includes the amazing capacity to notice what we need and the willingness to meet it! These folks bring warmth into a room; they prioritize relationships. At their best, these folks improve every party and ALWAYS bring dessert.

Influencers in my life with these qualities have helped me see the value of paying attention to people - not just what they say, but what they do not say.

Could this be you? Can you think of others in your life who have this capacity and inspire you?

Take a Break!

Do you ever feel under attack? Do you wonder what the world is coming to? For all of us who are paying attention and finding plenty to be concerned about, I offer you this-look around.

Pay attention to the little people in our lives - make sure they see our eyeballs and our smiling faces! No little people in your life? Can you find a way to volunteer or support folks who have lots of littles and maybe could use a break?

Find a way to give back. Not something big or dramatic, that is neither sustainable or necessary. Calls, texts, notes, taking road trips down memory lane - it's all uplifting!

Treat yourself. Sure, we are all aware of the value of eating healthy and exercising but once in a while, enjoy the pure pleasure of an ice cream cone on a hot summer's day or a glass of ice tea in your best crystal!

Rest. Take breaks. Go for a drive. Change your scenery. I love to grab a latte and take a 20 minute drive down by the river in the middle of the day just to reset my compass and clear my mind. Work a puzzle or take up crosswords! Try something new without worrying about being good at it!

Come over and play pickle ball with Pete and I - the net is always up and we are always looking for a good game.

What else could you add to this list? Who could you add to your adventures?

Practice Being Uncomfortable…

Failure is demotivating. It's frustrating. I do not always respond well when I perceive I have failed. I think this is a fairly predictable response to discomfort, but guess what? I'm learning that being uncomfortable is a precious gift on the path to growth.

Pete and I enjoy our empty nester early morning routine, which includes solving a puzzle or two before we rush off to a day filled with adulting. One of the puzzles I prefer, Kakuro, is a great crossword like puzzle without words. You have to align numbers 1 through 9 in such a way as to come up with the designated total count both vertically and horizontally. Sometimes it is really hard and I get frustrated trying to solve it. The secret is to just keep working the puzzle. Plug away, fill in what you can. Start with the easy ones - a two square line that equals 16 HAS to be 9 and 7, and if you put those two options down on paper, you might discover that there is only one square the 9 or 7 will fit with the corresponding vertical or horizontal line that has its own unique options and restrictions.

Here's the point: even when unmotivated, uninspired, freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional - keep moving. Not in a habitual, robotic, reactionary way - but from a place of humility, curiosity, and surrender. Maybe today I will not solve the problem set in front of me but I might get better skills for my effort. I may learn new tricks that will help me with tomorrow's puzzle.

If we feel like we have to be motivated to make progress, we are wrong. If we think we have to succeed, we are wrong. If we think we need to have warm fuzzy feelings about our adulting, we are wrong. Here's what's right: keep moving and as we move, try to pay attention to aligning ourselves with our core values.

I align myself with my core values when I follow my teacher's instructions for piano fingering practice. My values include the belief that I am a student of life and lessons learned in one arena inevitably translate into other dimensions of life. I value expertise and I appreciate when I have access to it. I believe that there is value in doing things that feel unnatural at first, because it is a sign that I am awake, alert and not asleep in a habitual, unconscious patterned way of thinking, feeling and behaving with certainty.

What do you need to practice today that will be uncomfortable?

What if You’re Wrong?

Once I was feeling very defensive about a particular subject in the midst of a conversation with my brother, who had a different opinion. I respect him so much and love him to pieces, so it was easy for me to ask myself, "What if I am wrong?" At that moment, I did not know who was right or wrong, or if that was even an accurate measure of the conversation. I just knew that if my brother thought one way and I thought another, I was open to being wrong.

The next question, the one Christian and I are wrestling with in our piano lessons is especially important. It goes like this, "What happens if I am wrong?" For Christian and I, if we are wrong, neither of us will progress in our piano lessons past a certain point. Sure, you can fudge on the fingering of Hot Cross Buns but I'm working on Debussy's Deux Arabesques and I will NOT master this piece without attention to my fingering.

It was also an important question when I was feeling a bit defensive and on the verge of arguing with my brother. Why would I want to argue with my brother over something I might be wrong about? Even if I'm right, is it worth arguing about with my precious bro? No.

When we ask ourselves what happens if we're wrong, or even if we're right, it allows us to think further ahead than our passions are leading us. Christian wants to play Hot Cross Buns his way but he is neither old enough or experienced enough to even conceive of what those fingers will need to do when he tackles Debussy.

If I'm wrong and defensive in my relationships, I may create needless conflict and hurt feelings. I may act like a jerk. People I love may falsely conclude that I do not respect them or care about their opinions.

"What happens if I am wrong?" OR even..."What happens if I am right but act like a jerk?" are two questions that help remind us to care less about some things because we care so deeply about other, higher values.