Sit and Listen to Your Heart

"There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready be filled. You feel it, don't you?" Rumi

I hope you can find some time to sit in silence. Feel your heartbeat. Know that your life is richer than your bank account and more meaningful than the experiences you long for in order to add some spice to life. I pray you know that you are complete as you are and a relationship is not required for you to feel complete.

You are whole.

You are not broken beyond repair.

Repair may be needed but not because you are broken. Restoration is necessary because we are human and we break. The world is often hostile to the things of God. Created in his image, we will have troubles. (There is a teaching of Jesus that specifically reminds us of this.). This trouble is not because other people hate God - so this is not a persecution thing. It is a human condition.

Sit and listen to your heart. Watch and wait for the Lord to reveal himself to you in your ordinary, everyday life. Cooperate with him. Test and see if maybe Rumi is onto something.

Defining Control

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

How do we define control?

Control can, of course, mean many different things.  When I refer to things we can  legitimately control I'm using "control" to mean something akin to the exercise of responsibility.  The things that we (appropriately) control in life are things we have both the permission and the capacity to influence (there are surely other factors, but for our purposes I think these two frame the conversation in such a way as to allow us to go fairly deep fairly quickly).  

We become (overly) controlling through distorting one of those two factors:  we either falsely believe we are justified in controlling something that isn't ours to influence or we falsely believe we have the capacity to influence when, in fact, we do not.  A substance use disorder represents a distortion of both factors at once.  When we say, for instance, that we COULD stop but simply do not want to then we are believing two lies:  1. That the s.u.d. itself does not exercise control over us (and, thus, has given us permission to be in charge) and 2. That we have the capacity to influence our s.u.d.  

The same factors apply elsewhere in life.  The limits of control are permission and influence and they vary greatly depending on circumstances.  These two factors combined let us know whether or not something rightly falls within the realm of what is "ours to do."  

My response to me:

I think I agree with this definition- but not so much the example. Substance use does not have unending control over a person- people can change. It requires a focused, dedicated effort and likely to the help and support of a community (be it 12 Step, a counselor, family, friends, whoever). 

And so the issue of what we have the “capacity” to influence is an interesting one (at least to me). We may not always have the capacity to make changes to certain things over night- but we can often start moving in the direction of change. For instance, a person might attend an AA meeting for several months before they have some sobriety time. There was real change on display long before the sobriety happened. This person wanted to make a change, sought help, altered their schedule and routine, etc. etc. in order to change how they relate to alcohol. 

Or- to refer back to yesterday. If something really tragic happens to us, we may not be able to change our difficult feelings immediately- but perhaps we have some acceptance exercises that we rely on that shift us from something like complete resentment to something resembling peace. We did not have the capacity to “change” the thing that happened, but we did have the capacity to change how we related to the thing that happened.

So we may have the capacity to do a lot more than we think (or a lot more than I once thought).

A Prayer for Us as We Navigate Life…

Lord, may I be at peace.

Father, may my heart remain open.

Holy Spirit, guide me as I seek to know myself, experience healing, and draw near to you.

Grant that I might be a source of healing for others.

Even as I am grateful to those who support my healing.

Amen.

Day 29: Blessings Come in Many Forms...

“My cup brims with blessing…”

Psalm 23

I do not know the answer to most of the questions people often ask me. I do not know why bad things happen to good people. I have only a rudimentary understanding of why the Old Testament has a lot of fighting stories in a timeline that promises the coming of the Prince of Peace. But I believe that spiritually awake people can relate to Psalm 23, when David says, “My cup brims with blessing…” The scriptures describe blessings in various ways, including: we were once in darkness, and now we are children of the light. Once we were lost, and now we are found. Once we were separated from God, and now we live in communion with Him. What a bunch of blessings! What else does it mean and how does this apply to our lives?

Is a blessing getting our way, getting what we “want,” sitting on a balcony at a beach, or running on a trail through farmland at Virginia Tech? Is a blessing browsing through a great music store and then finding the perfect afternoon snack on The Corner at UVA? Is a blessing found in a good book, a cup of hot chocolate, a cozy fire, and an overstuffed chair? Is it a blessing spending the weekend with great friends and beating your husband at bridge? Is it kayaking? Is it that beautiful moment when your children are all fully engaged in a conversation that has everyone in stitches? All these things I love; are they my blessings?

“My cup brims with blessing…” Is a traumatic life event in childhood a blessing? Is having your boyfriend break up with you—after finding a replacement—a blessing? Is an eating disorder a blessing? Is having someone you love suffer from the horrors of addiction a blessing? Is financial loss a blessing? Is chronic illness a blessing? I have completely lost my ability to label life events in the “seen” world as “blessing” or “curse.” Some of my greatest hurts have turned out to be my all-time greatest blessings. And although I enjoy sitting and running and browsing and snacking and reading and great friends and winning and kayaking and laughing—and feel incredibly blessed to have these precious things in my life—I am not so sure that some of the things I’ve cursed in life aren’t also blessings. I think David is reminding us of this truth when he weaves us through green pastures, quiet waters, paths of righteousness, valleys of the shadow of death, evil, comfort, dinner with our enemies, and the hospitality of head anointing. David believes. David believes that a plan in the unseen world often leads to strange and mysterious twists and turns in the “seen” world. May God give you a delight in the roller-coaster ride of life; may He equip you with “God-vision goggles” so that you have a vision for more than what can merely be seen. May He give you peace in the process and the courage and stamina necessary to be the Prince or Princess Warrior that He has created you to become, so that you can carry that message of hope - especially in this seemingly hard-to-find-hope times.

Peace Never Wants To Go First

“When we work from a place, I believe, that says ‘I’m enough,’ then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”

Brene Brown

In Sarah Blondin’s wonderful book, “Heart Minded,” she quotes her son - “Peace never wants to go first.” I love that. Children are so full of truth. And potty words. But I digress.

Before we return to Michelle and her conundrum, how about we pause for some peace? Let’s start there, the last place we often look. But one little preachy word. I wonder what would happen if every morning we refused to go out into the world until we had found our peace?

Lord, you have brought me to the seclusion of a manmade lake, built for the making of hydroelectric power; which is good for power, but cost many families their farmland. Oh, the burden of vision.

You have brought me to the valley of vision, what would you have me see?

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.

Let me find your light in my darkness, your life in my death, your joy in my worrow, your grace in my sin, your riches in my poverty, your glory in my valley.

The burden of the valley of vision.

Isaiah 22:1