An Attack on Shaming Statements (Part 2)

...more thoughts on shaming statements….Part II

* Why can’t you be more like ______?

I do not like being compared to others, do you? This is simply unnecessary. IF we are in a position of student/teacher or mentor/mentee, comparison can sometimes be helpful. For example, I am teaching my grandson the fundamentals of tennis. Sometimes I say, “Look, Christian, see where Meme’s feet are pointing? Try that and see if the ball goes straighter when you stand like this.” It is a skill specific comparison made within the bubble of learning, not as a general statement to elevate one person at the expense of another.

* You have/had so much potential!

Oftentimes when we comment on potential, we do so with the best of intentions. We’re cheering someone on, pointing out a particular gifting or talent that we hope the person will recognize and develop. But often the recipient of these words feels more shame than inspiration. Potential is a concept for personal reflection, not social commentary. How do we know another’s potential? We are in essence saying - try harder, you can do better! But can they? How do we know that what we are witnessing is NOT their 120% effort? Better to say, if we are actually qualified to comment on and have been given permission to speak about another’s performance - Your butterfly stroke is graceful; your serve is strong; your endurance is impressive. Be specific. But make sure we are qualified to speak; we are speaking the truth; we are speaking to provide information, not to manipulate someone.

...to be continued….

You Were Created for Lovingkindness

“I thought faith would say, ‘I’ll take away the pain and discomfort,’ but what it ended up saying was, ‘I’ll sit with you in it.’”

Brene Brown

If an acorn carries within the potential to become an oak tree, what potential is hidden within the frame of the lowly zygote? Many wisdom teachers believe that as an oak tree is to an acorn, lovingkindness is to a zygote.

A lot can go wrong along the way. Before hurricanes wiped out many of our trees, we had a kazillion acorns each autumn strewn across our backyard, driveway, gutters and flower beds. Did I think of their potential? No, I thought they were a pain in the neck and it hurt like hell when I stepped on one barefoot.

When I was growing up, did I look in the mirror and think, “Dang, girl, you have the potential for lovingkindness?” Sadly, no. No one ever told me about this wisdom teaching.

If you, like me, were never told this before, grab a mirror, stare into your beautiful eyes and repeat after me, “You were created for lovingkindness.” The happiest you will ever be are the moments when you express your most authentic self of lovingkindness. Repeat this every morning, noon and night until your head believes your heart. Because your heart knows it is true.

And when you know, you can do. And as you do, you will become more confident in your knowing. And when your knowing and doing align in lovingkindness, your heart will sing with joy. And you will be able to sit with God and others in contentment.