Considering Your Own Preferences

To recap, some stress is inevitable but lots of it is self-imposed. When I was confused about my goals in life, I was chasing after outcomes that were not even relevant to my core values! Individuals discover the source of meaning for them in ways that are completely unpredictable. But the common factor that I notice is that if we stop and listen, we can hear an inner voice of wisdom. This voice is informed from a variety of sources, no doubt about that, we do some self-selecting in terms of what our outside ears attune to which impacts our inner voice. But the bottom line is this: we have wisdom that we often ignore and our body will not let us forget it - hence, stress.

Yesterday someone called me desperate for a meeting to discuss a particular crisis in their life. They preferred that I drive over to their house (50 miles from me) so we could discuss it in the comfort of their home. I told them that I'd send them a zoom link. They countered with an offer to come to my house. I reiterated that I was currently meeting with folks via zoom. They sighed loudly and agreed. I sent the zoom link without a moment's stress. We had a lovely meeting.

Who changed? Me. I cannot tell you how many times I have hopped in the car and driven somewhere to meet someone because it was their preference without considering my own preferences. Considering both is the ultimate in respecting self and others. They could choose not to zoom with me and that would be fine. But I am freed from the weight of my own unreasonable expectations of myself, because these expectations were built on frustrating and inappropriate goals. I believe that a meaningful life includes service but I no longer accept that the totality of my life requires me to serve others without considering my own preferences.

What about you? Do you over-depend on your preferences? Do you ignore your preferences? How can we find a balance?