Positive Faith in Scripture: God Protects

Don’t fear, because I am with you;

don’t be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

I will surely help you;

I will hold you

with my righteous strong hand.

Isaiah 41:10, CEB

Yesterday we started unpacking some of God’s positive attributes (compassion, mercy, patience, love)- knowing these things is really going to inform and shape our ability to have a “positive faith.”

Another of these traits is God’s protection and his desire to help. In a culture that has talked way too much about the bad things God wants to do to you (not true, by the way), it’s hard to imagine that God’s desire, truly, is to be helpful.

Time and again scripture speaks to God’s desire to strengthen his people, to work through them when they’re too exhausted to do the work themselves, to hold them up when they can’t stand.

He is not a God who desires to harm- nor is he distant. His desire is to give his people everything they need to keep moving in the direction of compassion, mercy, patience, and love.

From Powerlessness to Acceptance

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

When we protect ourselves from uncomfortable truths we simultaneously prevent ourselves from discovering the appropriate response to our circumstances because we are not aware of even the need to respond.  Instead we live in reactivity, which is to say, we live un-consciously, allowing our response to the experience to remain hidden from view while our reactions wreak havoc in other unrelated areas.  

For example, we may argue with a partner over the house being dirty to release uncomfortable emotions hidden beneath the surface.  In reality, the only way to release (or let go of) the grief (or whatever uncomfortable thing you're coping with) beneath the surface is to acknowledge and sit with the grief.  When we aren't aware of how powerless we are, or when we fight our encounter with powerlessness, we commit ourselves to the ongoing insanity of letting out the tension beneath the surface only accidentally (as in the dirty house example).  

Accidental releases of tension provide a few minutes of relief, but they never satisfy us in the long run.

2021 Scott thoughts on Scott:

My biggest thought as I continue to read these is how mean I sound in print. Someone should have told me! (Just kidding. No blame shifting here.)

These days I really prefer the term acceptance to powerlessness. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the term powerlessness, of course, it’s just a word. And it happens to be a word with a long and fruitful history in recovery circles. 

I still struggle with reactivity- just as I did when I originally wrote this post. I am improving in the acceptance department though- and this really helps. 

Let’s be honest- a bulk of my conflict (and therefore reactivity) happens in marriage because it’s my “biggest” relationship. One of the other things I see happening over time is that I feel safer as time goes on. I learn that disagreements get resolved, I learn that Brittany and I can work to prioritize each other’s needs, and so on. It can’t be overstated how important a sense of “life safety” is- a sense that you’re seen, understood, and cared for, in managing stress, anxiety, reactivity, and so on. 

So rather than putting all the responsibility on ourselves to be less reactive, perhaps we should also consider prioritizing safe relationships.

Self-protection and self-respect

Some folks are in inherently unsafe relationships.  In particular, those in a close relationship with someone who demonstrates narcissistic traits.  This is a great trial because, to one degree or another, a person who is narcissistic is not able to care, nor particularly interested in, your position on anything.

In relationships like this, we have to consider all our options, including detachment and creating distance in the relationship if it becomes destructive for us.  If you are in a relationship like that and are working hard to maintain it for various reasons, then here is a piece of advice for you (and all of us really).

Our day-to-day work, a spiritual discipline really, includes identifying and valuing our own core values so that we can both own them and apply them under the pressure of conflict.  I know how hard this is to do particularly if you discover that you are in relationship with someone who is skilled at gaslighting and is doing so to you.  Again, evaluate and re-evaluate your options for moving to a safer relational distance.

But while we figure all that out, seek to practice your own core values so that you do not add your own personal disappointments in yourself into the mix.  It is sad but true that many of us are in relationships with people who are so insecure that they try to elevate themselves by stepping on our necks to keep us down.  If this is happening to you - get counseling to help you sort this out!!

But also be mindful that if a core value of yours is respecting humans, then you owe it to yourself to make sure you do not allow another person to treat you with disrespect AND do your best to act respectfully to others.  

In an abusive relationship (get evaluated you might be in one and not recognize it), the most respectful thing you can do is make sure you keep yourself safe!