Ask Clarifying Questions

If you are just seeing this post after missing a few, we’re on a mini-series on how to have positive faith- faith that is encouraging and upbuilding and not based on shame, guilt, and the like. Specifically over the past few days we’re talking about skills that help us live this out.

Today is going to be a short post- because this is something you’ve heard us talk about many times if you’ve been at NSC for any length of time.

So here goes. If and when you don’t understand something that someone is telling you, try asking some clarifying questions. Our conflict in life, all too often, is the product of miscommunication. One of the ways around this is to ask questions rather than to immediately respond.

Slow down. Hear the other person out. Ask questions if you feel yourself getting agitated. For example, “What I’m hearing in all this is ______, is that what you’re wanting me to hear?” This gives the other person the opportunity to, you guessed it, clarify.

This alone will go a long way towards having better conflict and having better conflict will undoubtedly support your move towards living faith in a more positive way.

Piano Lessons and Letting Go…

Our grandson Christian is taking piano lessons. So am I. He and I agree that we do not like to work on correct fingering technique. Sometimes it's ok to cross that thumb under my middle finger and continue up a scale, but other times my fingers have a different opinion than the writer of the music lesson.

He and I were talking about our shared dislike for being told what fingers to use and he asked a great question. "Who even decided which finger we have to use Meme?" I mean, come on - the kid is smart but I have more experience!

Here's the thing. I do not know who decides the fingering system for piano lessons, but I know one thing for sure: they know more about playing the piano than I do. So I suck it up and follow the instructions. Meanwhile, Christian wants to talk to a higher authority about this miscarriage of justice. If this continues, I will make more progress than Christian will with my technique. I will be less frustrated. I will have few appointments with the higher ups. Although I appreciate his curiosity and I admire his desire to "do it his way", I am old enough to know that some things are NOT worth fighting over. Fingering on piano music is one of those things.

Sometimes all of us care TOO MUCH about things that do not matter. This saps us of energy for the things that really, really matter. And although sometimes questioning authority, taking initiative and finding creative new approaches to old ways of doing things is awesome - when over-used, it can make life harder than it needs to be for everyone.

I am in the process of explaining such things to Christian. I hope I will have many more opportunities to engage him in conversations about what to care about and what to let go. It has certainly taken me decades to reach this conclusion, but my life is more serene as a result of caring less.

What about you? What have you cared too much about? What do you need to let go of?