It’s Your Journey

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

How do we stop trying to regain control in such destructive ways?

The past few days we've talked about attentiveness and the ways in which this helps us trace our reactions to their source.  This is the beginning of the process of learning to respond to triggers as opposed to reacting to them.  

A similar-sounding, though quite distinct, skill involves remaining alert.  What do I mean by this?  

What I've been describing this month, so far, is a "deep track" of recovery work.  It's not an area we address early on.  It's something that comes later in the process as we gain some stability.  Stability, for all its merits, creates problems.  It affords us the opportunity to relax, to settle in, and to breathe.  We need this.  But if we stretch this too far we become disengaged and complacent.  

Remaining alert means refusing to believe that, "we have arrived," that "we have gotten somewhere," or that "we have progressed."  At the very least, we refuse to believe that we have progressed to the point where we no longer need to actively pursue our recovery.  

Over time, we actively pursue new areas and skill sets, but we don't stop the pursuit.  Remaining alert means that we can acknowledge progress as long as we acknowledge that we must continue the work.  

Future Scott on Past Scott:

We will likely, over the course of time, have periods of high stress and periods of lower stress. And I do agree that it’s important to take advantage of the times in life when our stress is lower. This is a good time to do some brainstorming about the life we want to live because we are not backed into a corner and we feel we have more options and more opportunities for being creative in terms of how we continue to create our lives. 

I think I like thinking of life in this way: It’s always something we’re creating. We’re never done creating it. We’re always moving, always journeying, always heading somewhere, and rarely in the same direction. 

What direction do you want to travel in, today, right now?

Accepting Acceptance

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

I suppose the most pressing question we have after the first 15 days is:  How do we stop trying to regain control in such destructive ways?

I am, obviously, not an expert.  I can only pass on some things I've been taught but haven't yet learned.  

The first step is always going to be finding ways to process and accept the various challenges life throws our way.  When we set things to the side and assume that time heals all wounds we will only find that time numbs pain, but it doesn't truly heal.  

Consequently, we need a support system for difficult times.  We need a support system that consists of multiple people.  For me and Brittany, the past two years have shown us that we need more support than we can find solely in the context of our marriage.  It's too much pressure on one person to be the sole source of support for another person.  Humans are not meant to function that way and, if they do, they are severely isolated.  We may convince ourselves we're not isolating because we have our spouse, or that best friend, or whoever, but we need more than that.  

If the wounds are large enough and deep enough we may need a skilled therapist.  If our wounds are spiritual in nature we may need to dialogue with (safe) pastor, priest, bishop, or whoever.  Sometimes friends and community are enough and sometimes we need specialists.  The point is, an isolated existence will not support our efforts to release control.  

Scott with grey hair’s (2021 Scott) critique of Scott without grey hair: 

I don’t think I talked enough about acceptance. Acceptance is such a key part of life. Let’s be clear- acceptance does not mean learning to enjoy, or even appreciate, hardship- it means learning to live with it. Learning to tolerate it. Learning to live with the fact that there are things that happen to us that we wish didn’t happen but that we also cannot change. 

What is it you struggle to accept? Do you think you could learn to tolerate it?