Why Congratulate Someone for Doing What They're Supposed to Do?

I have lived with this attitude for a long time. If someone is doing what they’re supposed to then they shouldn’t be rewarded. People should be rewarded for going above and beyond...not for meeting some recommended minimum...right???

As someone who does not receive affirmation well, the above mentality makes sense to me. But it’s not a super helpful way to think. People are motivated in different ways by different things. Some people will go above and beyond naturally. Some people will naturally coast. Some people will naturally underperform, so to speak. But, regardless, each of these people needs affirmation to keep going over the long haul.

If you want someone to keep doing a behavior that you appreciate, then affirm them. That sends a clear, strong signal that they are headed in a helpful direction.

For example, say you appreciate it when a friend checks in on you via text. Let them know that you appreciate it. If they know that what they’ve done means something to you then they are likely to repeat it. They repeat it because the affirmation lets them now that they are being helpful and people like knowing what to do in order to be helpful.

If we refuse to affirm people because they’re doing what they should be doing...then maybe consider that you should be affirming. [See what I did there? :-) ]

Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.

Ephesians 4:29