Choosing the Right Connections

Stressed out people often have an unmet hunger for connection, and may go looking for connection in inappropriate places. Sometimes, it's all about availability. Other times, we are not making wise choices. Who knows all the reasons we settle for relationships that do not satisfy our need for trust and authenticity?

Here are some signs to look out for:

1. If you keep asking yourself, "Am I crazy or is this inappropriate/wrong, etc.?" Find trusted advisors for a reality check, but chances are, if you are feeling crazy, someone may be gaslighting you. (Gaslighting - when someone persistently puts forth a false narrative so that you will doubt your own perceptions.)

2. If you feel "not enough." None of us are enough; we are not supposed to be enough. We are fully human. If other people keep sending you the message that you are not enough, you need new peeps! Who are our people? People who see our flaws, weaknesses and insecurities and love us because of them! Our people are the ones who do not expect us to "meet expectations." Our people are not in denial, they are just not demanding. Find your people!!

3. If you are sad. Sadness is the canary in the tunnel we watch out for. Sadness is the signal that we need to reach out and grab a hand for support.

4. If you are filled with rage. Rage is telling us to pay attention. Instead of using it for evil, find people who can help you use it for fuel to create safety and security for yourself or others.

Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

“You don’t have to be sorry for being yourself. So start loving your sarcasm, your awkwardness, your weirdness, your unique sense of humor, your everything. It will make your life so much easier to simply be yourself.”

The kissing cousin to compassion is self-acceptance. We figure out how to respect ourselves just the way we are because of our inherent worth, not because life is perfect. This does not mean that we just sit back and smoke cigars on the porch. No indeed.

Self-acceptance and compassion are the early companions of transformation. Once we accept where we are, we can choose, if we want to, to begin wrestling with where we might want to go.

One of my spiritual friends has asked for some specific support as she continues her spiritual journey. I asked her to tell me what her horizon looks like. “Huh? What did you say?” she replied.

“Your horizon. Where are you heading?”

“Oh. I hope Bermuda once this pandemic lifts.”

“Not where you are going or what you are doing,” I clarified. “I want to know your WHY for being. I want to know how you want to “BE” and “BECOME” in the future.”

She is scratching her head over the question; I look forward to seeing her response. In the meantime, how about you? Who do you want to be when you grow up?