Say No to Self-Sabotage!

Self-sabotage is real. It definitely increases our stress levels. No one deliberately chooses to sabotage their life, but we do it! Here are some ways people commonly shoot themselves in the foot and then refuse medical treatment. Here are two common ones.

Self-criticism. Look we need to see ourselves honestly, but the world is going to criticize us enough - we do not need to pile on! Obviously we criticize ourselves when we fail, but women seem to be especially skilled at criticizing their own success. A consultant once gave me a compliment...and I was irritated! I waxed on about my gratitude for opportunities given, and my appreciation for working within the confines of a team. His response? "This team only cares about you insofar as you step in during a crisis." Years later, I believed him. Do NOT diminish yourself. There is a whole world that is gladly doing that for you.

Perfectionism. My friends like to tease me about my typos and such. I used to try to fix the typos so as to avoid the comments. Not anymore. Today I realize that a few typos sprinkled in with decent productivity is an acceptable "good enough." If we sweat the small stuff, we may never get to the part of life when we live LARGE and get meaningful stuff done.

Which one of these do you struggle with, or are you a super-achiever and struggle with both?

New Problems

“Mental health is the process of trading in one set of problems for a better set of problems.”

Nathaniel Branden, psychologist

When we began this journey our presenting issue was a plaguing dependency of some sort that left us breathless with the power it had over our lives. I was reminded of those days when I was having a conversation this week with a woman who was considering entering treatment for a cocaine dependency. She was so tired. She was tired of worrying about her supply. She was tired of sneaking around. She was tired of being broke. She was tired of the distrustful and/or worried glances from her loved ones. She was tired of the problems at work that her using was causing. She was so tired.

I listened and affirmed and encouraged her as she expressed ambivalence about getting into treatment. I do not know what she will decide, but I am aware that she will indeed be turning in one set of problems for better ones if she decides to enter recovery.

The dependency may go into remission. Her honesty and efforts will invite her to deal with the issues of her underlying maladaptive coping skills and defects of character. Up next? Will she be willing to ask God to remove her shortcomings? Is she ready to let go of her old ways of defending herself in a world that feels hostile? What will she decide about amends making and righting wrongs?

Finally she will arrive here, the very spot we find ourselves! Step Ten - the step that addresses the problem of maintaining our serenity and peace of mind. Overall, this is a great problem to have. It’s a first world problem compared to the pressure of keeping our dirty little secret dependency well fed and out of sight.

Along the way we adjust and rebuild. We develop new habits and release old ones. Step Ten is the step that helps address the problem of self-sabotage. We plan our day, live responsibly, evaluate ourselves and quickly make necessary course corrections. Nonetheless, it will require attention and diligence!