The Specifics...

Remember the four defects of character? Selfishness. Self-seeking. Dishonesty. Fear. These are the shortcomings that created the drive for us to do wrong. Whether or not we INTENDED harm is not the issue. No one really cares about our intentions unless they are making excuses for our bad behavior.

It is easy to get distracted from our good work of amends and restitution by making our own set of excuses. We feel like we are being punished or condemned or dying because of our past misdeeds. We confuse ourselves by declaring our substance use disorder a disease (which it is) but twist that knowledge and use it as an excuse for bad behaving. It is not. Once we know better, we can practice doing better. Amends is a part of our spiritual practice of doing better.

When we disclose our wrongdoing, we need to be specific. Here are a couple examples:

* If we borrowed money we promised to repay and did not, we repay the money. Sometimes it is better to repay the money BEFORE we attempt an amends. Actions always speak louder than words and often grease the wheel of resistance to any form of communication.

* If we slandered someone or tried to destroy their reputation to protect our own, we need to set the record straight in the exact same manner we tarnished the record. We do not do this in secret if our offense was in public. That’s not restitution.

* If we have compulsively lied, we begin to get just as compulsive about telling the truth.