How Do You Fill Your Soul?

"There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready be filled. You feel it, don't you?"

Rumi

I love quotes that are so beautiful it makes my heart swoon. But I am also a pragmatic person, and old. Really old. So I've been on the losing end of a sweet talker a time or two in my life, so I happen to believe swooning is over-rated. I can cause head injuries at my age.

I believe Rumi, and on those days - all 12 of them in my life - when I can feel my soul - it does long to be filled. But how does that happen? How do we fill our soul?

That's what we're going to talk about for awhile...but before we go there, breathe. Remember Rumi's words and know that you are inherently worthy because you are absolutely made in the image of God.

Showing Up as an Act of Courage

Dr. Willimon challenges us in his body of work and his life to accept the offer of living out our calling in all the roles in our life. This calling has certain parameters, based on who did the calling. I believe that my calling comes from God - an external agent, someone who tapped me on my shoulder and I responded, "Yes. I will follow you." Now, it can be argued that I had no clue what this would entail. Fair enough. But still, I made a commitment. I also dream. I mean literally. I have dreams. Some of them, once in a great while, feel like God's hand on my shoulder. Once I had that experience, whether or not I enjoyed my purposeful life every day became a moot point. Now this is a freaky story, and it is ok if you don't believe it. I really don't need you to believe it because I know it is as real and true as sacred as the feeling that comes when I eat peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. Heavenly! But this is a freaky story warning.

For the last four and a half years I have been in an enormously powerful estranged relationship with someone I love. He's disappointed in me. I've continued to wrestle with how I feel about him. Until last night. I had a dream. In the dream, Pete, the kids and I were packing to sneak away from what I perceived was a dangerous situation involving this person. I have this thought in my head that we have to escape on the sly because our life is in peril. In the dream this person who I am estranged from in real life tells me that he has been fired from his job and his "sketchy" behavior has been all about trying to protect me from this knowledge. So maybe he is not dangerous, maybe I misread the scenario - I think in my dream.

I go over to comfort him. I pull him into my arms, I rub and pat his back, and I tell him, "Do not let people who cannot see your worth put a price on your value." He weeps. I hold.

And then I add..."We have to pack up and go home now. I cannot be here anymore. I do not know if you, who cannot see your own worth, have the capacity to see mine. I do not know if you can reflect back to me my value. I am going not because I do not love you; I have to leave because I cannot be courageous and live my own life in a meaningful way unless I am surrounded by people who value me." And then I woke up.

I understood. I was given from an outside source (I think it was God's Spirit) clarity for what has haunted me for four and a half years. Part of this estrangement has been about safety for me. And I always wondered - why do you feel so unsafe that you have to hide? I have my reasons but I think today I see it through another lens of knowing. I do not have to hide; I have to choose. I have to be courageous and faithful. I have to move towards something - my life as a person of faith. I must practice it. I must practice what I believe which is that we are all inherently worthy and that our value is not dependent on others' assessment of us. We are not a house that requires a yearly tax based on how much we could be sold for in the marketplace. If I believe that FOR others, I must also require it for myself as a condition of connection.

I have experienced the external sense of determination Willimon speaks of - there are moments when God puts his hand on our shoulder and leads us beside quiet waters, he refreshes our souls, he guides us along the right paths. It may be a quiet nudge in a dream; it may be a moment of clarity; it may be a sense of calling; it may eventually lead to a meaningful life. But our God is a God who can work with what we bring to him. And so, I have to ask, what kind of fool would I be to not heed his call?

Self-Worth and Self-Care

“Rest is not idle, is not wasteful. Sometimes rest is the most productive thing you can do for body and soul.”

Erica Layne

People who know their worth recognize the value of self-care. They rest. They relax. They allow time for restoration. Those of us who do not KNOW this, are forced to either hop on the hamster wheel of trying to prove it to self and others or find some way to numb the pain that is associated with living a lie - that we are somehow lacking.

Devaluing or inflating ourselves is living a lie and lies are hard to maintain. It rubs against our nature. It flies in the face of who God says we are. It requires massive amounts of denial.

The world feels like a scary place; I get that. I know, oh how I know, the anxiety born of wanting to please and not offend others. But I also know this - trying to win someone’s approval when I refuse to approve of myself is a waste of time. It’ll never happen.

So today, rest up. And think about it - if you were a person of value and inherently worthy, what kind of person would you want to be?

Inherent Worth

I’m coming to believe that my worth isn’t based on my productivity. My worth is inherent - and yours is too.

Author unknown

Inherent worth, when applied to all humanity, requires that we develop the discipline of treating everyone with respect and dignity. And that’s just the starting point.

I keep returning to this principle as I find myself resisting it, looking for exception clauses and ways around this responsibility. But again and again, I return to this idea that I am responsible FOR living out my core values, which makes me responsible TO my fellow humans.

We can treat people with respect and dignity even as consequences are meted out for wrongs committed. This is why we have this thing called “due process”, where people are innocent until proven guilty. But once they are found guilty, there is this accompanying principle called justice.

Even in the handing out of justice, we are still bound to the foundational principle of treating others with dignity and respect.

This requires us to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. We have to be able to appropriately discern when we administer justice and how we do so with respect and dignity for all. This includes the victims and the perpetrators. And it is very, very hard work.

But first, let’s start with ourselves. Because until we do that, it will be impossible for us to figure out how to apply it to others.

You are a person of inherent worth. It is not based on your behavior, beliefs, or your best efforts. You have worth because you are a human, created by God and in his image. This worth is a right and a responsibility. It will necessitate careful and prayerful consideration of the choices you, you inherently worthy person, will make about how you live your “one wild and precious life” (Mary Oliver).

Because you are worthy, you know that you are capable of being a worthwhile person. But you are still worthy of respect and dignity, no matter what you do, or do not do, with your life.

“Deserve” is Not a Biblical Concept...Is it?

I jokingly say this to my wife, Brittany, whenever the concept of deserving something comes up. She rolls her eyes.

It’s true- “deserve” is not really biblical language. It’s in the Bible, of course. The majority of the references are positive (someone is given something more than they deserve, or they do not receive a consequence they perceive they deserve).

On the aggregate, though, we know God’s plan is to draw all people together under his love, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done. The God of the Bible is a God who undermines our understanding of the word “deserve” by blessing all of creation in a way that it does not “deserve.”

But, when I ask the question, “Do you deserve to thrive?” I’m not asking if you were born good or sinful or if God loves you or if there’s life after death.

I’m asking if you recognize your own value.

I’m asking if you recognize your own worth.

I’m asking if you recognize that you’re worthy of love.

I’m asking if you recognize that you deserve to live a life worth living (of course, there are many questions about how we go about doing that).

So, do you deserve to thrive?