Positive Faith & Sin: Last One

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This conversation on how we talk about sin as people of faith comes down to this (for me): Are we creating more faithful people?

If the way we talk about sin and separation from God isn’t creating more faithful followers of God then we’re doing something wrong. Again, just my opinion.

I personally believe that if you beat people over the head with their “sinfulness” then they get defensive, feel ashamed, and enter survival mode (not in a good way). This isn’t helping people grow and blossom into people defined by their love, mercy, forgiveness, charity, and whatever else. It’s keeping people paralyzed by fear. And, largely, this is because people’s inability to live as who they’d like to be is not new information for them.

We do not need to slam people in the face with things they already know (and are ashamed of).

So, what do we do?

Positive Faith & Sin Part 6 (Roman Numerals suck after V)

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Yesterday we talked about how confrontation does not help us grow into people of God. In fact, confrontation leads to denial. This means that we are less likely to work on the things we might want to work on in order to grow into people of God if we’re confronted.

It’s actually acceptance that leads to growth and change- the very thing God promises and offers. When we are accepted and loved and treated as a part-of, we’re able to confront the discrepancy between who we are and who we’d like to be and start to consider what it would look like in order to make changes.

Acceptance is what allows us to confront ourselves and acceptance paves the pathway for growth. To put it differently- acceptance is the thing that puts us in tune with God’s voice.

So, then, it might be a pretty good idea to be…well…soft on sin.

Positive Faith & Sin Part V

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24, NIV

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Yesterday we talked about the fact that, in faith circles, it’s common to think that it’s really important to be confrontational with people about their sin patterns. We know from research done in the substance use field, however, that being confrontation with people about their foibles is more likely to make people defensive rather than contrite and deferential.

This is important information for pastors (in my opinion) and I think it should shape how we pastor. And, I should say, I wish I had known this when I began my journey as a pastor- I would have been a better one.

What I know belief is that it isn’t confrontation that helps us grow into people of God- it’s acceptance. In this case- I’m talking about the experience of being accepted by others (and by God). Being accepted allows us to feel safe and, when we feel safe, we don’t need to be defensive and we can tolerate conversations about areas where we would like to see growth and change.

This is actually the very logic of Romans 1-3 which people quite frequently get completely backwards. Here’s a rough summary:

• We all fall short of the person we’d like to be

• Therefore we have no right to judge each other

• God accepts all

• Therefore, we shouldn’t condemn each other

This section of scripture is probably responsible for more spiritual abuse than any other (I can think of a couple close competitors but we’re not going for statistical accuracy here). And yet, it’s because we miss the point.

God does accept us as we are. He draws us into his family. He offers us the opportunity to shape our lives in the pattern of his love.

That’s pretty good. And, pretty different from what we often experience.

Positive Faith and Sin Part IV

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My experience as a listener suggests that most people are painfully aware that they are not entirely the person they’d like to be (aka, they’re painfully aware of their own sinfulness).

So, given that, what do you think might happen if I see it as my job to make people even more aware of the things that already cause them great pain?

What kind of pastor would I be if I treated you all as if you were dogs that needed to have your nose rubbed in your own pee so you’d stop wetting the rug?

Right- it would not be a good situation. Some people would respond to that by trying to over perform. Some would respond by withdrawing. Some would feel uncomfortable but think to themselves, “Well, this must be how it is.”

In the end, none of these is growing into a more faithful human being.

Positive Faith & Sin Part III

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Over the next few days I’m going to talk about how sin can be handled seriously while still maintaining a positive faith. I’m doing this because there is a stereotype against positive faith- people tend to think that, if you’re being positive, then you’re not taking the hard parts seriously. My argument is: I’m taking the hard parts even more seriously because I want us to do the things that actually help us deal with the hard parts- rather than be stuck in them.

And so- I want to take just a minute, today, to make an observation:

People take their sin unbelievably seriously.

I know, I know. It’s hard to believe. But it’s true. Take it from a (now) professional listener. People tell me all the things they wouldn’t tell anyone else. And, believe me, people take their sin seriously. Even if they don’t call it that. Even if they aren’t people of faith. Every single person I talk to is tremendously concerned with the impact they are having on the world around them.

Now, as people, we don’t always say these things to the people around us. Sometimes we’re defensive. Sometimes we’re scared to be vulnerable (or it’s just hard to be vulnerable- regardless of the emotion involved). The point is, whatever is going on inside us, we don’t always share it.

Because we don’t always share it, people can get the wrong idea. They think we don’t see what’s wrong with ourselves. They think we don’t recognize our own shortcomings and don’t want to deal with them. Now, of course, there is sometimes truth to this. We’re not always aware of every shortcoming we have. But, for the most part, most people are painfully aware that they are not entirely the person they’d like to be.

So, what happens if I tell someone how sinful they are? What happens if I use my “big voice” (as Norah calls it) to remind them of how sinful they are? What would happen if I did that to you?

Imagine it for a moment and we’ll come back to this tomorrow.